So, back when I was "still cis tho", there were a lot of aspects of male gender norms that bothered me deeply and of course I totally understand why now. Even though these days I obviously have a clear reason for feeling that way, I'm still curious if cishet men also have issues with how norms or expectations around gender and sexuality impact them in a negative way.
I'd love to hear your thoughts on how those norms impact you, whether good or bad.
Also, I should mention that since this is a bit of a sensitive subject we're talking about here, please be thoughtful and sensitive when discussing with others in this thread. Thanks! <3
EDIT: Much thanks for all the great responses here! I know it's a difficult topic of course, so I appreciate you sharing your thoughts/feelings like this.
Speaking of which... I just looked at /c/menby and some of the posts on the front page there are over 2 years old. I see a lot of the discussion here centered around not being able to share feelings and/or not having the spaces or support to do that in. /c/menby seems like the perfect place for that, just sayin'.
Part of me still thinks this is a fishing post to get us all banned but I'll bite.
I know I'm a generally above average handsome dude, always benefited from that in different ways so I can't complain about looks much. But I still have it in my brain that I'm not because I'm not the tallest, buffest dude by any means. When I was a kid I was skinny as a twig but then started going to the gym and got fuller but only like a toned-fit build, not a yolked monster like most dudes want to be, including myself. It's just not possible for my genetics or build, I think. Kinda weighs on me that I'm not as strong as others, even though I do surprise men and women with my strength for my size. But I don't look it, which is my problem internally. I can honestly whoop some ass if needed, and have, but I get anxious about size differentials and potential conflict that will go badly, especially if I'm with a partner. I grew up watching Arnold and Stalone tear it up and that's what I think a man looks like. I have that an eternally youthful, attractive, very friendly guy look. I also hate it because everyone thinks I'm significantly much younger than I am so men OF MY AGE OR YOUNGER dismiss me, discount me, or generally ignore me until they find out. And I only know my looks are good because I somehow am able to attract and keep women that (I think) are beautiful and way out of my league. If it wasn't for those experiences over the years making the realization finally dawn upon me, I wouldn't even have the self-esteem to have begun this by saying I'm handsome because I wouldn't believe it. I just started dating someone who, I think, is absolutely gorgeous and looks like a model to me or something and I'm still completely stupefied every day that passes that she wants to be with me, much less be my serious girlfriend. And it's not just her looks, she's just such a sweet person and so fucking funny and wants the same things as me and I just think she's perfect. I'm still waiting for her to tell me she changed her mind and found another more attractive, better-off guy to be with instead. I die of butterflies everytime she's sweet or affectionate to me. She laughs at the face I make every time. I still don't really believe in myself in that way deep down. I just fake it, I guess, or I objectively think it's true because people tell me and because of my experiences but I don't subjectively believe it because I don't look like what I think an attractive, gritty grown man looks like.
And I'm very well educated but I've never really had a highly valued social status job or career. I make decent money now and I'm actually in a "good" field but not wealthy or "middle class" by any means. That weighs on me because I know I'm fairly intelligent and knowledgeable, I don't doubt myself there although I'm humble enough to know that I don't know quite a lot and need to learn from others, but everyone thinks you're a meaningless idiot if you're not a doctor or an attorney or some big executive. Basically, if you're not the boss then you're just a grunt. They really treat you like shit, which—apart from my politics—is why I always try to be extra nice and courteous to workers. If you didn't leverage yourself into a status career with money, at whatever cost, then you fucked up and there are better men who did. I honestly could have but just dedicated myself to struggle and organizing in my young adulthood because I rejected and hated capitalism, but no one cares that you care. You're just an irresponsible failure who didn't sieze the moment you had to get yours so you could "provide" for your future family. That does make me feel like I fucked up sometimes, especially as I age and the comrades I had move away or drift apart and I end up feeling like that revolutionary fervor dies down for nothing in the end. The only comrades I regularly engage with are all of you on Hexbear and that's it. I know it's still worth it in the end, we're not Communists for our personal gain and I know I've made a difference in the lives of individuals and maybe in history in a small way, but part of me does feel like I messed up when I'm struggling with money or realize I can't do certain things with my life or be respected as a human being because I didn't pursue a status symbol career which would've probably inevitably resulted in some murder-suicide.
I'm also not White so I'm sure race plays a part in all of this too but I won't get into it because it's hard to know how and where to tweeze those apart, but I know it exacerbates everything I said.