I feel like I could be given any situation (and I mean any) and be hyper aware of the number of potential options I may have and freak out because I don’t know which option is correct. And that’s really at the crux of this because everyone says there is no right way to behave, but the “right” way is more than not rewarded somehow. And people who don’t behave the “right” way are treated as less than
For me overthinking and anxiety are separate. I can have one without the other. And one doesn't necessarily cause the other either.
i literally can't tell whether i have anxiety or if i'm just prone to overthinking everything, and neither can anyone who's ever known me
therapists have been like "that might be anxiety, but"
Overthinking can lead to anxiety, there's not much subjective difference between the two
I think anxiety and overthinking are in a kind of yin and yang for me. Anxiety causes me to overthink, and overthinking causes anxiety.
Are you familiar with the concept of expected value from poker or other games with uncertainty? Positive expected value means something is probably the right play but recognizes an element of random chance in whether or not it is actually the right play.
Yes. Sorry I started making this post and then got sidetracked without elaborating. Positive or negative EV is basically the idea that you want to do things that improve your odds of success but that you recognize that there is randomness involved that determines if you actually succeed. You're trying to do things that are expected to be valuable even if they aren't known to be. In poker terms, if you have 90% odds to win a hand, it's +EV to bet strongly on it even though you still might get hit with that 10% chance and lose after all.
I brought it up because you said you are freaking out because you have many options and you don't know which option is correct and that you find the reward or lack thereof for 'right' behaviour inconsistent. Viewing 'socially correct' in EV terms might be useful because even when you do things 'correct' you might run up against something that no one could predict in either a positive or negative way - some piece of family history might cause someone to react badly to an anodyne joke, or similarly, a minor gesture of kindness might make someone's whole day because they were having a shitty one. In practice, it means do your best but don't beat yourself up too much if some interaction doesn't go your way - 'correct' after the fact is because of luck as much as anything.
Really appreciate the follow-up
Yeah, that’s super helpful and makes a ton of sense. I’d say my life has mostly been stagnant because I usually keep silent when I have a choice to say something because I am afraid of how all of the potential consequences might make me feel. I think the prospect of the unknown is more terrifying than anything, honestly. Idk if that makes me a narcissist or something but it’s unfortunately my outlook
that sounds more like anxiety than narcissism but I know nothing about this
good luck comrade!
An example I'll give for how they're different is that I can feel anxious just because I have to pee and I'm too distracted by some other thing to know why I'm feeling anxious until my body taps me on the shoulder and calls me a dummy. Anxiety is more like a feeling.
Ahh. From your comment and others in this thread, it sounds like what I’m describing is an inability to describe some emotion that’s causing an adverse effect
for me, overthinking is if someone tells me to stop, i can, and anxiety is if someone tells me to stop, i can't and it feels bad.
I didn't know those were mutually exclusive (?) I feel like I can get both, separately, and at the same time. I am not an expert ofc though
