I'm not sure what everyone else's motivations behind their advice are here, but every comment I've made on your threads HP has been made with the goal of helping you worry less about all this stuff, even though I know it's not as easy as just removing yourself from the matrix of gender, sexuality, power, and desire. There is probably not a Hugh Hefner hiding inside of you. As you are, I think your instincts about how to actually treat people with respect are better than you might think, and you pose a greater threat to yourself than to anyone else.

Yeah maybe you got a whole bunch of psychosexual hangups and fetishes from decades of pop media and porn and being hurt or helped by various adults in positions of authority, and maybe You Too Have A Libidinous Impulse, you poor bastard. You're not going to will or worry that stuff away. The only way these dialectics are gonna get resolved is through real world application. Beauty is in the sheets. Love not with fear, but with care.