After seeing some threads it's clear that there are chapos here who need a mentor in the romantic arts (tm). Pitch me your best Q's and I'll spit my best A's.

I've been a professional dating coach and matchmaker for the last 6 years.

edit: Wrapped up for now. Thanks everyone and good luck out there, you can do it!

  • eduardog3000 [he/him]
    ·
    4 years ago

    What do I do about the person I really like but he's so self-focused that he says he has no desire for a relationship right now? He was way more open a couple years ago, but I was scared. Looking back I feel like I missed some opportunities.

    • KarlMarxOfLove [love/loves]
      ·
      4 years ago

      Well the good news here is that this very much sounds like it has more to do with things they're going through right now than with you. This might just be a temporary thing where they're focusing on self-improvement for a while.

      Part of romance is learning when you might have had a window with a person and becoming more confident about trying things out when they show up in the future.

      Everyone has at least a couple of those "what could have been" people in their life. That's a good sign; it means people were interested in you!

      Feeling afraid of taking a risk like that is completely healthy and normal. A big part of dating is about learning to go for it even though you're a little scared. You get to that point with practice, but that practice is worth it!

      • eduardog3000 [he/him]
        ·
        4 years ago

        But now I'm kinda stuck. I'd want wait for him (maybe when he finishes college), but if he never comes around then I've wasted years of my life (already have really). I also just have no real opportunities to find anyone else anyway. I'm too introverted and autistic to really make new friends or go out and join some group. And really, I just don't want to. Basically every option I see would take years to even have another chance with one person, then if that fizzles out, years more. I just can't go for that long.

        Edit: a lot of it is really anxiety about wasting my life, especially my young life. I feel like being autistic has essentially delayed my (mental) adolescence and I'm basically just now starting to open up in ways I should have while I was still in high school.

          • eduardog3000 [he/him]
            ·
            4 years ago

            Well not a hard wait like that, I'm not going to turn down anyone if that somehow comes to be. But I really have nothing else going for me and don't have much energy/motivation/whatever to actively look, so the effect is the same.