After seeing some threads it's clear that there are chapos here who need a mentor in the romantic arts (tm). Pitch me your best Q's and I'll spit my best A's.
I've been a professional dating coach and matchmaker for the last 6 years.
edit: Wrapped up for now. Thanks everyone and good luck out there, you can do it!
A common mistake I see from leftists is tendency-specific requirements. Basically anyone who is at least progressive is worth dating. If things work out they'll likely move further left over time.
This doesn't mean you hide your political beliefs, but talking about murdering landlords is probably best for at least after the third date. You need to establish you're not going to kill the person and wear their skin as a suit before speaking of the necessity of revolutionary violence against the rich.
Essentially yes. Once they know you're good in the sack, showing off your gun collection is less weird.
Best case scenario, they're already a commie, but if you stick to only that then you're severely limiting yourself in the imperial core.
Damn. I needed to hear this. It's just so infuriating chatting with a progressively minded lib that's all about civility. I just click so much better with people who are already dirtbag left like.
Getting them away from that mindset is less difficult than you'd suspect, but it takes time and you have to be okay with the possibility they may never change their views.
Still, dating a Progressive who shares most of your core values is definitely worth a shot.
Women have to deal with a lot of horrible bullshit that men cannot even begin to imagine.
Totally valid reason as well. Safety is one of the most important things you can have in a relationship.
I'd be a little worried about them only dating me for my bionicle collection. It might make sense to wait until you're sure they're not just dating you in the hope of getting to play with the bionicles.
Frank, get the fuck out of here. I already told you I wasn't interested in working with you as a client.
Ladies tend to like a man that has a respectable job, so give them a fake name tell them you are an M.D.
what should i do if my bestfriend loves me and eats my ass regularly and constantly talks about marriage? should i go on a date with him? idk if hes showing any signs or not
I came in here to shit on you but you seem cool and you're actually giving good advice so um... this is awkward...
That's fine. I was originally considering giving shit advice mixed in with the good advice, but instead wound up just sincere posting since most people had legitimate questions. I was surprised by that, but rolled with it. This site has very different energy than most places on the internet, which is honestly refreshing.
I might. Would probably be with a different account so I don't confuse people hah
In relation to Yugopnik's short analysis of the commodification of love, and the increased alienation of society to the point that talking to strangers beyond a casual hello or nod of the head is concidered an alien act in societal behavior. My question is how the fuck do you meet people outside of the forced relationships of the workplace? Dating coworkers is generally a bad idea and just having friends among coworkers leads you to mainly talk about work shit which fucking sucks.
I swear to the nine skies if you tell me to go to places where social interactions are acceptable, like bars or clubs, let me just stop you right now. I have been for my entire life, for some reason, what some folks would call a couger magnet. From the time I've been sneaking into bars since middle school to now, every time I've gone out to places that serve booze I've been relentless hit on by significantly older women. That shit's weird lmao.
Yugopnik’s short analysis of the commodification of love
Haven't seen this video, but I might check it out later. My take is that love in American society has always been commodified, but was previously weighted entirely in men's favor. The playing field is more level now between genders, although still nowhere near equal. This can feel alienating for men sometimes, so I always encourage my clients who are men to consider how intense and risky it still is for women.
My question is how the fuck do you meet people outside of the forced relationships of the workplace?
I see matchmaking playing a bigger role in American society overtime. This was previously an informal function served by friends "introducing" mutual acquaintances they thought might hit it off.
Aside from that, dating apps can be great if you're willing to put in the time/work. They're very lowstakes and everyone on them is basically shitposting their way onto dates. I saw that comparison made yesterday on the site and I think it's a perfect one.
Dating coworkers is generally a bad idea
Dating coworkers is a horrible idea and no one should fucking do it.
I have been for my entire life, for some reason, what some folks would call a couger magnet
That sounds great and I don't see the problem. Sounds like you should talk with some of them and get a better idea of what they like about you. You can then use that to adjust how you present yourself if you're into people closer to your age.
Dating coworkers is a horrible idea and no one should fucking do it.
Just for those who are curious: What is the main reason you should not do this?
Power differentials and people's economic stability being on the line. If someone doesn't welcome an advance then the workplace has become hostile. Folks deserve a working environment free from harassment.
I see matchmaking playing a bigger role in American society overtime.
The plumber say "you need a plumber", the lawyer says "you need a lawyer," and the matchmaker says "you need a matchmaker" of course hehe
no offense meant tho. respect the hustle.
Yeah, absolutely. If I didn't think the labor I was performing had any value, then I wouldn't be doing this. Definitely biased hah
Cougers are great, particularly if you don't have a ton of experience. They know what they want and know you have less experience then them so they are much more open about telling you how to please them many people are a younger age. And obviously not everything that works for one women will work with others but having some one basically train you on how to have sex is super helpful down the road.
Any advice for disabled people, or those with physical deformities? Not going to go into too much detail but I basically have a degenerative disease, have had multiple surgeries and my body is covered in large scars and made of titanium basically. While trying to date I've received disparaging remarks, both before and after the surgeries, which really put me off dating in general. Even if they aren't any rude comments I feel as if the other person sees me as lesser than them because I cant do certain things most people can (stuff like bending down, walking long distances, etc). Am I just surrounded by assholes, or is it all in my head and do I need to accept that people are going to react in unforeseen ways? My new way of going about it in the future is just to be brutally upfront and honest in an attempt to try weed out the assholes and anyone not interested in all that. I understand if you don't answer because it's an internet comment and there's no way you can get all the context and background information, etc
You're right that there's a lot going on in this question, but a few things that can be really helpful:
From what you've said, you've been hurt in the past and that's made you wary. A huge thing with dating is feeling good about yourself going into a date. That can be tough when you have things about yourself you're insecure about, so focusing on working through that with a therapist can be helpful. This is not "improve yoself bruh" it's more learning to accept and love yourself as you are.
Depending on the severity of your condition, it might be a good idea to look into dating others with similar physical conditions. They'll have organically developed empathy from shared life experiences.
I've worked with clients of all backgrounds and degrees of physical ability. It can definitely be difficult at first for them, but it's still very possible to find a partner. Make sure you're extending that same (reasonable) expectation of acceptance to the people you're dating.
Ultimately, if someone is going to judge you or mock you on a date, you're 100% correct that they're an asshole. If anything, they're saving you time.
matchmaker
Like the big wooden matches that light easy and burn even or those shitty cardboard ones that are impossible to light and burn down super fast?
You know those waterproof survivalist matches that can light anywhere? Yeah, I basically make the people skills version of those.
The petty small talk is just signaling to each other that you can match social queues. It's there to show you can handle the shallows before you go a bit deeper. Most people don't care either, they're just checking on some level that you're not going to immediately launch into ranting about your childhood or describing in detail the entire plot of Muppets Unleashed.
so uh... hi...what are your thoughts on the non Muppets Unleashed one-time after-hours events held at Disney Hollywood Studios theme park in the Walt Disney World resort on August 23rd, 2014?
Night At The Roxbury has aged poorly, but what I will say is that their focus on having fun vs overthinking things is the right way to go about flirting / dating.
They unfortunately don't take no for an answer, however, which is fucking gross and :haram: .
Other question I often receive is how to get over a bad break up.
NSFW Answer
"Fucking the pain away" actually often works in addition to self care. You should of course also/instead see a therapist if you went through trauma.
In your opinion, what are the most commonly repeated dating advice that is counterproductive or flat out wrong?
Anything about men not taking no for an answer or continually asking the same woman out on dates. Cat calling. Anything devaluing women for having (or not having) sex.
I've let this one sit here a bit because I wanted to consider it. First, this is not healthcare advice and I am not a mental health professional. The main thing I'd say is that I'm reading a lot of self loathing in your comment.
If asking your family for help is an option, I would recommend seeing a therapist to help process your feelings of self worth and getting into a more stable headspace if you're feeling especially anxious or depressed.
If that really isn't an option, then buy a book on CBT and learning some skills from that. I recommend this one. This is not a replacement for a therapist and closer to frontier medicine. Your results will vary, but that book has helped me.
As I've said in other replies, it's completely normal to be bad at dating at first. Everyone pretty much bombs their first couple of dates. That says nothing about you as a person, it's just a skill and social situation you need to learn and adjust to.
I do recommend getting to a place where you feel good about yourself before dating. This doesn't mean getting a new job or anything status related, just that you like yourself as a person. I've had plenty of working class clients who were able to have a healthy dating life. It takes a bit more work to date on a budget, but it's doable.
Exercising is good! Incorporating more of that can help a ton with mental health in addition to therapy and in some cases medication. I'm not a mental health expert, so I'm not qualified to speak beyond that. Things definitely get better though, I promise!
i’m a mostly unironic stalinist in a city that’s so republican we literally never even get democrats running in local elections.
Okay definitely don't lead with that if you live in a conservative area. Pretend you're a DemSoc or something for a while and be open to dating Progressives.
I send all clients Net Promoter Score surveys to gauge CSAT (Customer Satisfaction). I have an NPS of 70, which is extremely high.
24 hours after a first date and 7 days after they wrap with my services / coaching.
No, Hitch was awful at his job and I'm not a misogynist. I've been happily married for going on 5 years.
I've worked with clients of all sexual orientations and gender identities. Gay men do tend to be the easiest to match, I will say that. As a general rule, they're less stuck in their own heads / anxieties.
It's a problem for a lot of people, especially with internalized misogyny which ties self-worth with romantic success. You're not alone if you experience this and a therapist can do wonders here.
from another response: I kept dating interesting people and eventually others started asking for advice about how I did that. I realized that due to misogyny / racism / classism / bigotry / etc most dating advice was incredibly toxic and encouraged abusive / predatory behavior. I hated my day job and wanted to do something else, so after being paid to consult a couple of times I took the chance. My client base has been built by word of mouth referrals, so I do zero marketing.
