I've deleted/retyped this so many times because I don't know how to word this and typing this onto a random internet forum isn't going to change anything but here goes I guess.
Today sucks extra hard.
I used to work at a private boarding school for kids who couldn't live at home. It was like a residential school but private so we didn't have to write kids up for literally everything. Still hell on earth for the kids but better than the alternative.
I met this one boy there who immediately tested me. He threw a stapler at my head in class. He would have these spats of absolute rage. I hated this kid.
Slowly but surely he grew on me as I learned about him. He's actually a very charming kid when he's not stressed. I learned he's dealt with sexual abuse from his older brother, being adopted at a young age, his adoptive home being filled with screaming from his siblings, and then his adoptive parents divorcing (he blames himself). If you're keeping track of the score, that's well over half the major childhood trauma events.
We eventually got really close, even though I probably shouldn't have let that happen. He literally feels like a little brother. I was the only staff member who he got along with and he was actually improving his behaviors.
Around March last year right before the lockdown, my mother, who was the director of the program, was diagnosed with terminal breast cancer. Because she was unable to work, along a myriad of other reasons, the program was shut down and the kids were either sent home or, like the kid I got close with, sent to other placements.
My mother passed away in July. It was hard, of course. Thankfully, I've mostly worked through it. I knew I would never see her again, but I'm holding on hope I can see this kid again. She urged me to give him another chance.
I was able to call/write this kid until February when he was moved to his 3rd placement in less than a year. He hasn't been doing well and his behaviors have regressed. I haven't been able to talk to him since.
Today is his 15th birthday. I stalk his adoptive parents on Facebook. They haven't posted anything despite posting birthday stuff in previous years. Still time obviously and I'm probably over thinking, but I don't think they want him and are trying to not think about him.
Just miss him. I know he's struggling and it hurts that I could do more to help. I considered asking if he could live with me for awhile but never did. Probably wouldn't have been allowed to but still feel guilty for not asking.
Hope I don't have to wait 3 years to hear from him again. Assuming he remembers me of course.
I don't know if this makes sense. It hardly does to me. I don't know why I miss this kid so much.
I have his parents' numbers from when he was there.
Texting his dad maybe gets me a response weeks later. I made sure and texted like a month ago and asked if I could call/write today. He actually got back to me and said his DHS worker said no. I think he appreciates how I helped him but not great with communication.
I think his mom hates me. She never responds. When I texted her after not hearing from his dad for a few weeks she never responded but his dad immediately responded lol
I genuinely don't know if the DHS worker won't let me contact him or if his dad is using that to deflect blame.
I've deleted/retyped this so many times because I don't know how to word this and typing this onto a random internet forum isn't going to change anything but here goes I guess.
Today sucks extra hard.
I used to work at a private boarding school for kids who couldn't live at home. It was like a residential school but private so we didn't have to write kids up for literally everything. Still hell on earth for the kids but better than the alternative.
I met this one boy there who immediately tested me. He threw a stapler at my head in class. He would have these spats of absolute rage. I hated this kid.
Slowly but surely he grew on me as I learned about him. He's actually a very charming kid when he's not stressed. I learned he's dealt with sexual abuse from his older brother, being adopted at a young age, his adoptive home being filled with screaming from his siblings, and then his adoptive parents divorcing (he blames himself). If you're keeping track of the score, that's well over half the major childhood trauma events.
We eventually got really close, even though I probably shouldn't have let that happen. He literally feels like a little brother. I was the only staff member who he got along with and he was actually improving his behaviors.
Around March last year right before the lockdown, my mother, who was the director of the program, was diagnosed with terminal breast cancer. Because she was unable to work, along a myriad of other reasons, the program was shut down and the kids were either sent home or, like the kid I got close with, sent to other placements.
My mother passed away in July. It was hard, of course. Thankfully, I've mostly worked through it. I knew I would never see her again, but I'm holding on hope I can see this kid again. She urged me to give him another chance.
I was able to call/write this kid until February when he was moved to his 3rd placement in less than a year. He hasn't been doing well and his behaviors have regressed. I haven't been able to talk to him since.
Today is his 15th birthday. I stalk his adoptive parents on Facebook. They haven't posted anything despite posting birthday stuff in previous years. Still time obviously and I'm probably over thinking, but I don't think they want him and are trying to not think about him.
Just miss him. I know he's struggling and it hurts that I could do more to help. I considered asking if he could live with me for awhile but never did. Probably wouldn't have been allowed to but still feel guilty for not asking.
Hope I don't have to wait 3 years to hear from him again. Assuming he remembers me of course.
I don't know if this makes sense. It hardly does to me. I don't know why I miss this kid so much.
Just sad and mad and lonely today. Idk.
:meow-hug: you can maybe write to his parents on fb?
I have his parents' numbers from when he was there.
Texting his dad maybe gets me a response weeks later. I made sure and texted like a month ago and asked if I could call/write today. He actually got back to me and said his DHS worker said no. I think he appreciates how I helped him but not great with communication.
I think his mom hates me. She never responds. When I texted her after not hearing from his dad for a few weeks she never responded but his dad immediately responded lol
I genuinely don't know if the DHS worker won't let me contact him or if his dad is using that to deflect blame.
He definitely remembers you. Kids who grow up in tough shit like that don't forget the reprieves they found along the way.
Hopefully. He just isn't the most assertive kid. Like I have no doubt he wants to talk to me, he just doesn't really push his parents on it.
And I love the kid, but he doesn't have a great memory. Like I hope he remembers how to spell my name so he looks me up on Facebook or something.
And like, will he remember me enough to care to find me in 3 years? I hope so.