Been trying to unmask for half a year+ now and it's difficult, numbingly depressing, and extremely damaging to my reputation (in places that do matter, not just pointless social status standing)
The end of the tunnel leads to a beautiful forest full of life and light though right?
I have been trying to with my boyfriend and it has gone really good. Finally started talking to him about trains today and he revealed he has a huge bag of model trains from his uncles in the basement and we gonna start a diorama soon.
At work it has been mixed. I teach and most of the kids are happy to have a 'weird' adult. One kid said to me 'last year you are our weird teacher. This year, you are still weird but...' she struggled for words 'we are excited.' Also one time, I started singing under my breath which is one of my major ticks that I normally try to hold in and a student came up to me to see if I was alright.
Some of my co-teachers have been a little odded out but it's a high stress field so they are used to weird coping mechanisms. Since I work well with our students, they don't seem to mind.
I am mostly happy/embarassed that my BF and I were both hiding our train fixation from each other. It makes me glad we are both comfortable enough with each other to be more open about stuff like that, but also a little sad we wasn't there yet. All of life is growth and I am very happy to have a partner that gets me on that level.
In general, I have been much more free with my self-expression, emotionality, and my tics. For a while, I was trying to 'play cool' and keep my cards closer to my chest when that is simply not me. People have always told me I have a very kind face and I have leaned into it: telling others what I like about them, and expressing gratitude as profusely and as often as I feel (called to) it. There is genuinely something wonderful in each and every person I meet and it feels so freeing to just tell them that!