Was I just stupid kid in the Midwest wrapped up in propaganda and a family history? How could I not fucking see what really was going on and what we do to the people of the countries we go to? Everything I wanted to be as a kid was based on fucking lies and the profits of the military industrial complex. What the fuck was the point of my deployments if not to oppress others? How can people fucking support these wars and invasions? In the name of protecting our freedoms while stripping away others? I fucking hate myself and wish I could take it away, but without it I wouldn’t be a communist and I wouldn’t have experience colonialism and imperialism first hand on the side of the oppressors. Fucking fuck.
Same boat here. Naively joined after 9/11 and regretted it when the Bush admin started to reveal itself with the Iraq invasion. I never did any kind of action that I seriously regret while in, thankfully, though obviously I regret ever joining in the first place. I did at least manage to eventually get myself kicked out, so there's that. Also, like you, it shifted my views considerably (initially towards anti-war radlib), and so I'm not sure I'd be where I'm at now had that not happened.