Was I just stupid kid in the Midwest wrapped up in propaganda and a family history? How could I not fucking see what really was going on and what we do to the people of the countries we go to? Everything I wanted to be as a kid was based on fucking lies and the profits of the military industrial complex. What the fuck was the point of my deployments if not to oppress others? How can people fucking support these wars and invasions? In the name of protecting our freedoms while stripping away others? I fucking hate myself and wish I could take it away, but without it I wouldn’t be a communist and I wouldn’t have experience colonialism and imperialism first hand on the side of the oppressors. Fucking fuck.
I was thinking recently about how pop culture almost tricked my dumb ass into enlisting as a teenager. Looking at you, Mass Effect, HALO, etc. Mass Effect in particular, as much as I still like the first ME, the game (assuming paragon) basically nails the weird and idealized "warrior diplomat" archetype that I personally associate with the affectations of liberal militarism, and as a highschool liberal who thought that was basically as good as it could get, that had strong aspirational appeal.