Despite being her adopted daughter, Eo-Rie is 38 – just five years younger than 43-year-old Seo-Ran. The women have been best friends and roommates for seven years. Last May, Seo-Ran adopted Eo-Rie in a desperate bid to become family under South Korea’s strict family law. By law, only those related by blood, marriage between a man and a woman, and adoption are recognised as family.

Strict gender roles and patriarchal family culture remain deeply ingrained in South Korea. But in recent years, more South Koreans have started to challenge these norms. They are increasingly pushing the government to accept a broader range of companionships as family, such as unmarried couples or friends living together, and demanding rights and services available to conventional family units. Women are often at the forefront of this push with a growing number of so-called “no-marriage women” choosing to stay single, defying the traditional pressure to marry, and look after a family.

“I came to believe that a real family is those who share their lives while respecting and being loyal to each other, whether or not they are related by blood or marriage,” says Seo-Ran.

A few years later, with the arrangement working so well, they decided to buy their apartment together. But then, after Seo-Ran, who suffers from other health problems like chronic headaches, was rushed to the ER several times, they started talking about how if they were family they could sign medical consent forms for one another. South Korean hospitals, fearing legal action should something go wrong, customarily refuse to offer urgent care – including surgery – unless a patient’s legal family gives consent.

“We have helped and protected one another for years. But we were nothing but strangers when we needed each other most,” Seo-Ran explains.

So the two started looking into family law to see what was possible.

Marriage was out of the question. “We are not romantically involved or trying to get married. And even if we are, we wouldn’t be able to marry since same-sex marriage is not legal in South Korea,” Seo-Ran explains.

“So the only way left for us was this strange option of me adopting Eo-Rie,” she says, her eyebrows furrowed in frustration.

Under South Korean law, an adult can easily adopt a younger adult with both parties’ consent—an arrangement usually used by those marrying someone with adult children or among conservative families with no sons who adopt males within the extended family to continue “the family line”.

“What we wanted was simple things – to take care of each other, like signing medical consent [forms], taking family-care leave from work when one of us is ill, or organising a funeral when one of us dies later,” Seo-Ran says, sighing. “But none of that is possible in South Korea unless we are a legal family. So, we decided to take advantage of this legal loophole, however strange it may look.”

Some one million Koreans in a country of 50 million lived with de facto family – friends or partners – as of 2021, but they cannot access affordable state-subsidised apartments or housing loans, shared medical insurance, tax benefits and other services available to married couples and families.

If a living companion dies, bereaved partners or friends are left with few rights – they are more vulnerable to eviction if they do not own the property and can face myriad legal hurdles to receive inheritance.

“I hope that my story serves as a wake-up call for the government and our society,” says Seo-Ran.

Around Seo-Ran and Eo-Rie’s first family anniversary, the women took a weekend trip to Anmyeondo Island, known for its scenic beaches dotted with pine tree forests, with Seo-Ran’s mother and grandaunt—a holiday for, at least on paper, four generations of women.

For a long time, Seo-Ran’s mother wanted her daughter to marry, worried she’d be left alone after she died. But now she says she’s relieved that Seo-Ran is happy and has formed her own family. “Now, I have a granddaughter,” she jokes.

“You two don’t need to care at all about what the world and others say,” she told her daughter. “Just live your life fully.”