It was a sad day in the subdivision as golf legend Andrew Saltein found himself all dressed up with nowhere to go after the Honkeys last night.
"I just don't get it, we did everything right. We killed at least 300 trees for the new course, there was a country club, ski lodge and everything. The carts play Maroon 5 for God's sake. What more could we do?"
Saltein is talking, of course, about the Snowy Peaks Golf Course and Seasonal Ski Resort. Timmy Timpani, current regional pickleball champion and outspoken critic of the course's construction referred to it as "unsightly," asking "why would they make it both of those things? [They] literally made it all hills just so it becomes white during the winter. The snow machines show exactly how desperate they are".
Others, however, are upset about wider crackerdom's most recent obsession, claiming a need to 'return to tradition'. "It just feels like I've wasted my life chasing the Yakubian dragon at this point," said Brandon Bumblo, amateur golfer and president of his local HOA, "I don't know where to go anymore. People keep telling me to touch grass but that's literally all I've been doing to try to relax. I was so lost in my own thoughts I tried to fine the golf course for not mowing enough and they beat me in the neck and ankles with putters for 45 minutes. I don't even know if that lawsuit is gonna make me feel better."
Tensions are obviously high and are set to get even higher with the recent approval of plans to build the Terry Wilden Indoor Pickleball and Bull Riding Facility. Whatever the solution is, it won't be found in this land of 2% milk and raw honey.
This story is in progress, we will keep you updated as more information becomes available.
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