I'm a lot shorter than you, and certainly less physically intimidating. I've had lots of my own issues with gender and gender expectations, but there's an almost visceral hatred for your experience of masculinity that I find pretty foreign to my own experience. Like, there are things I don't like about being a guy, but I accept them because I am one at the end of the day. I hesitate to tell you you're trans, because idk, but I feel like there's definitely something way off between how you present to the world and who you are.