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Am I trans?
One possible way to figure this out is to reframe the question. Do you want to be trans? If there were some magic way to know 100% whether you’re a man or not, what would you want the outcome to be? Imagine that this hypothetical magic gender machine says you’re a man. Are you disappointed? Are you relieved?
If you want to be trans, then you’re probably trans
"I wish I was trans cus then I could be a girl."
It sounds silly but this is how a lot of MTF people might think of it in their heads before it actually clicks... I know I did...
hey yeah I finds this pretty relatable. as a man it is so difficult to get real support from people. male and female, for different reasons. no one really cares and I have literally no idea how to make someone care about me. do I demand they care? beg? I can't even picture it, like you said, its like they are interacting with a stranger in my own dreams. like i have friends I guess but when I was very sad last year all they did was exclude me from more things because of it, but they still pretend to care if i see them like its nbd? doesn't seem very friendly to me. so now I'm basically filled with cynicism and disgust about the idea of interpersonal relationships in general, either romantic/platonic/sexual and all the things that exist just to facilitate those relationships. its fucked, definitely some real heafty alienation going on in our brain folds. don't think i'm trans tho, I don't really have an issue with having a penis or anything, though I do feel like my gender basically doesn't matter?? hell if I know what to do about it, I just try to ignore everyone now and stay out of their way so I can vibe in peace, probably gonna just stay like this until I inevitably get shot in the head.
definitely relate. and yeah I think this is usually a male experience. like i get it, women need to look out for eachother and men usually like caring about women, but I wish I could get some of that treatment for me! I want hugs too :meow-hug: All I fucking got was my so-called friend telling me I need to be "more stoic like a Navy Seal" (told him I don't emulate crazy baby killing psychopaths)
you are right that I don't ever really see males struggle with this openly, but in my opinion I think a lot of males just don't realize they are allowed to be vulnerable (well they sort of aren't allowed as we are discussing) and pursue toxic/self-destructive behavior to cope with that. there's also a spectrum of how emotional people are though a lot of males try to actively repress that. I suppose the standard solution is just to find a girlfriend and make her your therapist but that can be pretty toxic for her and as you said trying to date is an "exercise in suicidality" (really like that btw :michael-laugh:)
So is this just a transphobia post or am I not getting something here
/u/comradecmdrpiggy was making a joke about MTF standing for Mobile Task Force, a reference to the SCP Foundation wiki.
As a vulnerable large man I definitely feel this. I've had multiple situations where people just were afraid of me, like running away from my silhouette at night, and it does feel awful.
But, that's the fault of others who have abused people with their stature and "strength" in the past. Being a kind hearted giant ogre is still possible, even if at first glance people might think otherwise.
As for the rest of what you're going through, I can't entirely relate to be honest, but there's plenty of folks here who have gone through similar things so this is a great place to talk about it.
I relate to basically everything you wrote. I think that both trans and cis people can feel this way. I wonder if "political transsexualism" might become a thing (or already is). Like "political lesbianism", how some straight women started dating women anyway just because men fucking suck. Shaving your entire body so that people will respect you seems like a bit of a chore though.
it's even more fun when you have to shave your entire body so that you'll respect yourself
fucking dysphoria
I'm a lot shorter than you, and certainly less physically intimidating. I've had lots of my own issues with gender and gender expectations, but there's an almost visceral hatred for your experience of masculinity that I find pretty foreign to my own experience. Like, there are things I don't like about being a guy, but I accept them because I am one at the end of the day. I hesitate to tell you you're trans, because idk, but I feel like there's definitely something way off between how you present to the world and who you are.
IDK how much i can/should say as an AFAB enby. Cis people usually just assume i'm a lesbian when i try to look masc :pain:
But anyway A few things
I can really feel the pain you felt when you wrote this and i just want to validate that. The way masc appearing people (men) are socialized is abhorrent, and it makes sense that a lot of people socialized as men struggle with loneliness, touch deprivation, and not feeling like they are truly seen. Humans are social creatures and we need each other, it's not feminine to be kind or be vulnerable or feel emotional. That's just human. Just like taking care of other people isn't masculine, that's just part of human nature.
I don’t see myself as a person anymore. Every time I look in the mirror, I don’t see me, when I imagine other people interacting with me it’s like imagining them interacting with a stranger
This sounds like depersonalization or dysphoria comrade. I've been through both and both feel really bad and make depression worse.
I wish I could be pretty, I wish I could wear cute outfits and makeup. I wish I could be genuinely excited over something stupid or trivial because it makes me happy.
You can do that even as a masc and if people think you're being creepy they're stuck in antiquated gender roles. I would not find men doing any of these things creepy, i would find them heartwarming and would offer them encouragement.
I hate that in dating and relationships, I’m supposed to make all the moves, pay for everything, be the strong one, and not rely on someone else for anything, even emotional support.
Agreed, it's bullshit and damaging and you're not being silly for feeling alienated by these rigid rules. Every human deserves care and love and support.
I don't have anything else to offer you than i feel like you should explore what makes you feel happy. That's not easy when society is telling you you must behave a certain way or get labeled as bad stuff, but people are going to talk anyway, and you should build the kind of life that makes you happy - not other people. I can't say if you're trans or not, that's only something you can figure out, and it's confusing! I really, sincerely hope for the best for you though and i'm sorry you had to go through so much without the support you needed.
:meow-hug: :ancom-heart:
That's fair comrade. As leftists we're used to being ahead of the curve on social issues and that includes gender norms. Even progressive libs don't really "get" nonbinary gender presentation. I hope you at least find what makes you happy privately with your own experimentation and find some more open minded online groups to gas you up when you explore how you feel rather than making you feel like it's not acceptable, because it's what everyone deserves. I know those things are easier said than done and it's not an easy journey by any stretch though.
the best book i ever read about masculinity was the will to change. maybe you'll like it?
i'm not sure. just a suggestion. good luck on your journey. loneliness is manufactured in our society on purpose, breaking through that is a life long battle.
just know that transitioning would not change a single one of your problems
:doubt:
Joined 8 days ago , 2 Comments
:fry:
Naw. Just a lot of what he was talking about can, sometimes, be related to gender dysphoria. If the thought is occurring it’s at least worth talking about with a therapist along with everything else.
Hard to make connections with others when you don’t even feel connected with yourself, you know?
:brak: would you look at that, someone who needs to drink bleach!
That wont happen, people will still know you’re AMAB just by looking at you, years of hormones and even expensive surgeries wont change that. You will still be perceived as a AMAB doing feminine things. No the only difference for you if you transitioned is nice people will try and pretend to perceive you as AFAB because they want to help alleviate your mental anguish. I guess another difference is that mean people will go out of their way to make you feel bad.
Shut the fuck up terf.
@CORNY :trans-gun: :stfu-terf:
Gonna be real with you, a lot of what you're saying sounds like stuff I thought before coming to terms with that fact that I am a trans woman.
Now, that doesn't automatically mean it has to be the same for you. Remember, you could always be NB, or gender fuild, or even just a guy who doesn't like conforming to normal gender standards. What matters is: how do you feel? If you could be anything, what would it be? Because, ultimately, you CAN be whatever that is.
I can't say whether you're trans or not, but I went through a lot of what you described and I am. Think deeply about whether you'd actually choose to be born afab if you could, and I guess read some stuff by trans people and see if it lines up with your experience. That's how I figured myself out.
Just to offer a dissenting voice to this question:
Am I trans?
I'd like to tell you: maybe?
But also that a lot of your experience sounds like mine as a young autistic man who didn't know it yet. Hyper-awareness of how people perceive us is a big spectrum thing—you get fixated on how you think other people perceive you, and you end up acting like a weirdo. It sucks.
I've had a few too many beers tonight to answer any questions, but that's my 2¢.
I feel you. I have been going through some of same and similar feelings and I don't know what to say to help, but you are not the only one who feels anything like this. I'm not a therapist so feel free to ignore what ever I say. It's like not knowing how to be a human and it fucks with your head and it's so isolating. Idk what to do or say to fix it because if I did I wouldn't be feeling similar but I get it
