Ok, I know those last couple chapters got away from me, so this time we're going to do just one chapter, and this time I'm going to be one of the first people to read the chapter rather than the last.

The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love is a book by bell hooks about men, patriarchy, the relationship between them, and most importantly love. There is no need to pick up a copy, comrade Sen has already uploaded the entire audiobook onto Youtube. Content warnings are generously provided by Sen at the start of each chapter, however, they may not be as extensive as one might provide on here. This time we are doing Chapter 4. Each chapter is only about 30 minutes long, so it's not a long commitment. Chapter 4 is titled "Stopping Male Violence" so it seems a CW for SA and assault in general is necessary for this chapter.

Discuss-

-What stood out to you about this chapter?
-Are there any ideas that bell hooks introduces in this chapter that you've never heard of or wish you had heard earlier in your life?
-Are there any stories in this chapter that resonate with you on a personal level?

Previous Chapter Discussions
Chapter 1 discussion
Chapters 2 and 3 discussion

  • D61 [any]
    ·
    7 months ago

    I'll need to re listen to this chapter as I kinda spaced out and kept listening without writing down any notes. (Hooray for working in a building completely alone!)

    I'm pretty sure the general feeling that I got out of listening to it two times back to back a few weeks ago was that the framing kinda made it women are only violent because they learn it through patriarchy. Which is something that I've come across in the past when reading feminist anti-patriarchy things and I'm not sure sure I can buy into wholesale.

    Additions from my most recent listen:

    Okay, i think I'm getting the "women are only violent due to patriarchy" thing now. I was misinterpreting what bell hooks was saying (I think). Its not that women aren't violent until the addition of patriarchy, its that the violence is of a particular "flavor". One that either teaches a boy the proper behavior or language in dealing with stress, frustration, conflict, etc (so behave violently to get your way) or actual allowing/expecting violence to happen to teach/train a boy.

    I've definitely listened to girls I was growing up around talk about how uncomfortable/weird it was to see a teenage guy or man cry.

    So far, I haven't picked up on bell hooks talking about patriarchy and its form of masculinity as a way of creating concentric rings of hierarchy. Don't know if it comes up later in the book but I've definitely gotten the feeling that violence is done in response to not being at the top of a particular pecking order. Being a much smaller and not all that athletic kid growing up and having friends who were involved in sports, it was crazy how if it was more than me and one other athletic friend I would be picked on mercilessly but if it was just me and one or (sometimes two) other(s) either no bullying would go on or it would be directed outside of the "group." The violence is directed inside of a friend group to maintain each member's place in the group's hierarchy as well as venting frustration at being the bullied one as a member of other groups in a way where a person doesn't have to worry about possibly losing face/position.