Ok, I know those last couple chapters got away from me, so this time we're going to do just one chapter, and this time I'm going to be one of the first people to read the chapter rather than the last.

The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love is a book by bell hooks about men, patriarchy, the relationship between them, and most importantly love. There is no need to pick up a copy, comrade Sen has already uploaded the entire audiobook onto Youtube. Content warnings are generously provided by Sen at the start of each chapter, however, they may not be as extensive as one might provide on here. This time we are doing Chapter 4. Each chapter is only about 30 minutes long, so it's not a long commitment. Chapter 4 is titled "Stopping Male Violence" so it seems a CW for SA and assault in general is necessary for this chapter.

Discuss-

-What stood out to you about this chapter?
-Are there any ideas that bell hooks introduces in this chapter that you've never heard of or wish you had heard earlier in your life?
-Are there any stories in this chapter that resonate with you on a personal level?

Previous Chapter Discussions
Chapter 1 discussion
Chapters 2 and 3 discussion

  • dolores_clitoris [none/use any]
    ·
    10 months ago

    Some quotes that stood out in chapter 4:

    -"frozen in time, unable to allow themselves to love, for fear that the loved one will abandon them"

    -"these men act out again and again to test their partners love; ultimately the woman will become weary of being tested and will end the relationship, thus reenacting the abandonment"

    -"acts of psychic self-mutilation, that they kill off the emotional parts of themselves"

    -"they choose patriarchal manhood over loving connection. First, foregoing self-love, and then the love they could give and receive that would connect them to others"

    This was an interesting chapter, one point that resonated with me was the violence of sons against their mothers. I remember having this realisation at some point in my teenage years, that I was clearly much stronger than my mum, I never acted on this but obviously for may households that is not the case.

    The points about men insulating themselves due to a fear of abandonment was also very close to home. This is a topic that I am still working on peronally. Reaching a point where the thoughts and feelings that I share with my partner match the thoughts and feelings I have in my head has been a huge challenge for me.