Saved April 2020 lul

  • happybadger [he/him]
    ·
    edit-2
    3 years ago

    Women don't respect axe. They want to know you have money to spend, so you've got to use an expensive cologne. My dior fahrenheit costs like $75 a bottle, but half a bottle is all I need to attract da ladies. When they notice my scent I just casually pull out my phone and pretend to say on a call that I spent $37 just to smell good for the beautiful woman buying toilet paper behind me.

    • kristina [she/her]
      ·
      edit-2
      3 years ago

      this is true, i was walking through a walmart the other day and i caught a wiff of the elysian fields. shagged that handsome fedora wearing neckbeard right next to the bionicles, just couldnt help myself

      • happybadger [he/him]
        ·
        3 years ago

        See you can't do it in the toy aisle 'cause you never know. In the toilet paper aisle it's narrow enough that I can block one end off and use it as an opportunity to chat.

      • happybadger [he/him]
        ·
        3 years ago

        Are you doxxing me? So what if I have spiked hair with frosted tips? Plenty of people do and it shows ladies that I'm able to spend $60 on a haircut. That's before a tip because I don't.

          • happybadger [he/him]
            ·
            3 years ago

            Oh so Smash Mouth does it and you think they're cool but I do it and you think I need energy drinks to be cool.

            • aaaaaaadjsf [he/him, comrade/them]
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              edit-2
              3 years ago

              Sorry to inform you, smash mouth is no longer cool™ as of 2021. They performed a concert during Covid 19 lockdowns in 2020

              • happybadger [he/him]
                ·
                3 years ago

                A public service. Otherwise how could I meet the ladies at a Smash Mouth concert? Sometimes a fella needs to get soaked.