And then adjacent to that is the feeling of being a man. You ask for definitions, but there isn’t one. Genders aren’t real, in the sense that its a discrete thing with a firm definition. Its more Platonic, a vague concept that doesn’t really exist, but things in our world may lean toward or away from . However, I’d say unlike Plato, that there isn’t really even one Platonic Male Ideal, but rather everyone has their own Ideal of Manhood and Womanhood, all subtly different from each others and also sometimes changing depending on influences.

Yeah, I've been wondering myself that. I definitely feel like a man, though, even if I can't define it.

If you’re a person who is unaware of this, or do think about it, your idea of manhood is going to mostly be shaped just by your influences; it’ll be probably cobbled together from your parents, your friends, your culture, and the media you consume.

However, if you are aware of it, it can be whatever you want, provided its something you can ‘convince’ yourself ‘feels right’. If your ideal of manhood you shape yourself after is too different from those around you, you may be judged for it, and have people disagree, but like, fuck em.

You know what? Yeah, fuck em. I get to choose what it means to me. Continuing to this point:

So, for example, you can pick your Manliness to be: Physicallity, Stoicism, and Self-Reliance, and strive for that, and be a self actualized man. Or you could choose: Honor, Leadership, and Fatherhood. Or say: Intuitive, Caring, and quietly observant. And while I say choose, you probably can’t convince yourself of something that feels wrong or unmanly to you, although it can be hard to tease out what feels wrong because it doesn’t fit you, vs. what feels wrong because of internalized Toxic Masculinity.

To me, and I'm typing this from the heart and applying it to me, a man can be strong, can be caring, can be supportive, can be a strong rock others can hold on to. But he can also be vulnerable, lean on others, seek out their own support. A man can bake, can act, can work out, can wear what he wants, love who he wants, express himself how he wants, DO what feels right to him. And he should always know that there may be people who disagree. But all dudes should know that there will be equal or more people who are cool with that.

Okay, maybe that's not a firm definition? Truthfully, it mostly felt right to me and was meant to help me.

And lastly of course is fitting these Platonic Ideals into your Self; your personality, self-perception, and presentation, as well as your daily life, in ways that are practical and healthy.

Yeah, so I guess I ought to more firmly 'define those terms', as they say. Still, I have a good starting point.

I know personally, I struggle a lot with feeling ‘emotionless’, and thinking that was because I didn’t feel the emotions, but it turned out when I say “I don’t get angry”, what it really was was me feeling and expressing anger differently from the people I saw around me.

I 100% get that, used to feel exactly that way about myself, had the exact same revelation as well. :solidarity: