It's so nerve-wracking for a guy who's been raised to never make a mistake... to get told he'll have to make tons of mistakes to learn :yes-honey-left:
Now I don't even know if I've flirted in the past without even knowing it. There's too much ambiguity in it all.
Here’s another secret: it’s not that neurotypicals actually have some great attunement to the thoughts and feelings of other people that neurodivergents lack, it’s that all of their interpretation and processing of these signals and cues is done subconsciously with great confidence. Even when they’re wrong! This is why communication breaks down between NDs and NTs so much, NTs have so much confidence in their interpretation that it’s difficult to convince them of anything else.
It’s totally OK to ask for clarification in social situations, things like “…so does this mean you want to go out for coffee/drinks sometime?” is both a request for clarification and an offer of a date. The important thing is to not let a “no” dash your hopes, brush it off with a small joke or something and don’t mention it again. Getting visibly upset and/or continuing to talk about it is the number one biggest cause of discomfort for the other person, because it makes them feel like their “no” isn’t being respected.
Here’s another secret: it’s not that neurotypicals actually have some great attunement to the thoughts and feelings of other people that neurodivergents lack, it’s that all of their interpretation and processing of these signals and cues is done subconsciously with great confidence. Even when they’re wrong! This is why communication breaks down between NDs and NTs so much, NTs have so much confidence in their interpretation that it’s difficult to convince them of anything else.
Huh, now that I wouldn't have guessed :soviet-hmm:
It’s totally OK to ask for clarification in social situations, things like “…so does this mean you want to go out for coffee/drinks sometime?”
In my experience, if they laugh it’s because they’re glad you finally got around to asking.
And if they laugh because they’re not into it, who cares? Everybody isn’t going to be into you and that’s fine. If they laugh in a dismissive way, laugh back. “*chuckle* Wow, you don’t have to rub it in!” or some other decently playful retort doesn’t embarrass you or the other person and lets the conversation move on as if it didn’t happen. If you’re out of high school, most people aren’t going to feel the need to be cruel about it.
I guess all this advice in this thread means I shouldn't be treating this like it's a life or death thing. Guess I gotta fail a lot, but not invest too much in the outcome. And I'll learn how I personally flirt... by learning. A good summation I guess.
Pretty much, yeah. There’s no such thing as “the one”. Romance is made up to sell Hallmark cards and blood diamonds, and prop up Big Valentine. People are, for the most part, just trying to chill, have fun, and get their physiological needs met (that includes nonsexual physical intimacy, socialization, and sexual physical intimacy, and what any person is looking for can and will vary). If you develop a strong bond that you want to nurture for many years, then you’ve done pretty goddamn well. You might miss >80% of the shots you take, but you absolutely miss 100% of the ones you don’t.
There’s no such thing as “the one”. Romance is made up to sell Hallmark cards and blood diamonds, and prop up Big Valentine.
It's all a lie... :bear-despair:
You might miss >80% of the shots you take, but you absolutely miss 100% of the ones you don’t.
I guess even if I fear missing all the shots I take, I should go for it... If I can.
People are, for the most part, just trying to chill, have fun, and get their physiological needs met (that includes nonsexual physical intimacy, socialization, and sexual physical intimacy, and what any person is looking for can and will vary). If you develop a strong bond that you want to nurture for many years, then you’ve done pretty goddamn well.
This sounds almost... simple, downright easy. Almost deceptively so. Or maybe I'm the one who thinks it's harder than it is.
It's so nerve-wracking for a guy who's been raised to never make a mistake... to get told he'll have to make tons of mistakes to learn :yes-honey-left:
Now I don't even know if I've flirted in the past without even knowing it. There's too much ambiguity in it all.
Here’s another secret: it’s not that neurotypicals actually have some great attunement to the thoughts and feelings of other people that neurodivergents lack, it’s that all of their interpretation and processing of these signals and cues is done subconsciously with great confidence. Even when they’re wrong! This is why communication breaks down between NDs and NTs so much, NTs have so much confidence in their interpretation that it’s difficult to convince them of anything else.
It’s totally OK to ask for clarification in social situations, things like “…so does this mean you want to go out for coffee/drinks sometime?” is both a request for clarification and an offer of a date. The important thing is to not let a “no” dash your hopes, brush it off with a small joke or something and don’t mention it again. Getting visibly upset and/or continuing to talk about it is the number one biggest cause of discomfort for the other person, because it makes them feel like their “no” isn’t being respected.
Huh, now that I wouldn't have guessed :soviet-hmm:
And people won't laugh? Promise? :scared:
In my experience, if they laugh it’s because they’re glad you finally got around to asking.
And if they laugh because they’re not into it, who cares? Everybody isn’t going to be into you and that’s fine. If they laugh in a dismissive way, laugh back. “*chuckle* Wow, you don’t have to rub it in!” or some other decently playful retort doesn’t embarrass you or the other person and lets the conversation move on as if it didn’t happen. If you’re out of high school, most people aren’t going to feel the need to be cruel about it.
I guess all this advice in this thread means I shouldn't be treating this like it's a life or death thing. Guess I gotta fail a lot, but not invest too much in the outcome. And I'll learn how I personally flirt... by learning. A good summation I guess.
Pretty much, yeah. There’s no such thing as “the one”. Romance is made up to sell Hallmark cards and blood diamonds, and prop up Big Valentine. People are, for the most part, just trying to chill, have fun, and get their physiological needs met (that includes nonsexual physical intimacy, socialization, and sexual physical intimacy, and what any person is looking for can and will vary). If you develop a strong bond that you want to nurture for many years, then you’ve done pretty goddamn well. You might miss >80% of the shots you take, but you absolutely miss 100% of the ones you don’t.
It's all a lie... :bear-despair:
I guess even if I fear missing all the shots I take, I should go for it... If I can.
This sounds almost... simple, downright easy. Almost deceptively so. Or maybe I'm the one who thinks it's harder than it is.