So I've been on hrt for 3 years now. I've only over the past year been able to figure out my sexuality as I've gotten space from some toxic people in my life.

When I came out back then I moved to a new city where I knew nobody. I've gone to some queer events (hard due to a bad work schedule) and hung out with other trans folks but nothing stuck. Part of it was my own social anxiety and part of it that covid hit. Now two years in it's a little better but the pandemic still makes it difficult to meet new people.

So I'm basically stuck with out of state friends by phone or work friends for support. All are cis, and most are cishet. It's...hard. I'm not really sure what to do and I feel like I'm losing my mind sometimes since I present really butch a lot of the time and although I'm out, it feels like I'm just like presenting as a guy depending on the situation. I normally get gendered as a guy around strangers due to my voice. Idk. I just tried online dating a few weeks ago and I really didn't like it. I'll find a queer event on Meetup every once in a while but then end up backing out of going to anything because I'm scared it'll be a waste of time and I don't feel especially good putting myself out there in public. Shit's all messed up, I feel like I'm in a deadlock