Let me know if I’m getting too deep for this (brand new) comm, but I’ve noticed lately that all of my sense of validation at this point in my life comes from other people. Is it possible to gain this feeling from my self or is that unrealistic?
at about 6-8 languages, I have at least realized becoming very good at things is not sufficient
I learned arcane languages. retroactively I think I did it bc the earliest thing from my childhood is being told I will never learn to write and read and general abuses and so I started to compensate and language proficiency seemed like the best way to do so. I feel a little bit better now, but it's not like I discovered my self-worth that way
I donno what all fandoms you are in but maybe look into conlangs. I only really became privy to them because my wife is a linguistics nerd. But if you know 8 languages and recognize the various structuring and such, you might be a good fit for creating languages for tv and movies.
Or even just for creative writing and such.
I'm currently working on a quasi-creole for a story but really want to have it fully developed if this story goes anywhere. I'm a bit clueless on it all though.
first I need a better job (paying enough to live off beans and public transport, but if I am able, I think I want to learn or teach endangered languages in some capacities. I speak some that are pretty gnarly to learn for europeans/amerikans like Arabic and Hebrew, so I don't think I will be troubled by difficulty. I don't know-know 8 languages bc I need to maintain languages as well, I'd more say around 5 active ones and 8 passively
That's still impressive by any means. Bilingual should be a pretty normal thing in the SStates imo and I wish they'd teach Spanish in early development more than making is an elective in HS. Just being able to casually speak 5 and know 8 others in any capacity blows my mind.
I hope we can all find jobs that better fit our passions. I have seen morn than a few posts about other users in a very similar under-employed situation. It sucks and I wish I could just get paid a living wage helping people instead of turning cows into profits(last software job).
Language is not monetizeable if you are too trans and weird for corporations and don't want to be a
also I have always respected IT people (I am not disciplined enough for it)
I feel like my "gift" is the computery side of IT and not so much the dev side. I can do both. But can't get even an entry level job because I fucking suck at talking to humans and so I suck at interviewing.
treat yourself like your best friend. if your best friend said "uhg im ugly i hate myself" you would say "shut up youre beautiful and i love you" so just do that to yourself out loud ideally.
My therapist said to write positive things about myself on the mirror, but that doesn’t seem to be helping
Maybe your advice is a more active approach to that. Thank you comrade I will give it a try
yeah im too adhd for the notes to work, i forget they are there.
Idk why but I still can’t get aboard the inner child stuff
Which probably means I should, but it seems so incomprehensible that would solve anything
For me, it helped with a feeling of emptiness. Now it's like a feeling of love for myself. It helps me calm down because my brain doesn't start going "you've been abandoned." Because I have always got me. :)
note: It did go terrible when I tried to do it myself, though. My therapist was a really important factor. We used the John Bradshaw book "Homecoming."
Internal validation comes from practice, in my experience. You have to learn to be comfortable impressing yourself, and being alone with yourself. If you're having a hard time, saying words out loud to yourself as if you're talking to someone else can help. EX. "Wow, I look really good today" or "I did such a great job making dinner tonight." You're always going to seek external validation to a point, but developing this skill will for sure help you need it less.
I think my hobbies center around the ability to game them so I can have a sense of achievement while improving or completing or learning a thing. The more I dive into a new interest, the more rewarding and validating it becomes.
Idk if this will work for you but the question Resonated with me a bit.
A lifetime of neurodivergent spite towards the nakedly anti-human institutions that have long tried to convince me that their expectations for me should be my expectations for myself.
I think good parenting is what gives people a good sense of self-esteem, if they didn't do that getting it later is hard.
I feel like by accepting that there are good and bad things about me I was able to foster an environment where I can focus on the good things. If theres nothing I can do about the bad things or it's not worth the effort, why focus on them?
I'm also my biggest advocate, I have my off days but I try to remind myself that I can do anything I want to and I can and have grown.
