Ever since I was a child in 3rd grade I've been genuinely terrified of the possibility of my mother being caught in a school shooting. She works as a teacher and especially when I was younger when the flow of information wasn't as good, whenever she was somewhat late coming home I'd get increasingly worried that something happened. I still fear it, there was an incident at a high school in her district where a kid brought a gun to school and the entire school was evacuated as a result. I wasn't quite old enough to understand Columbine when it happened, but my older cousins told me all about it a year later and ever since that point there's been this worry. In my lifetime this unimaginable tragedy that dominates headlines ends up becoming so normalized that I feel nothing when hearing about it. After Sandy Hook, she told me that if she was in that situation she probably would probably end up taking a bullet for her students and as bad as I feel about it I honestly would rather her come home intact and let what happens, happen. I don't even know at this point, the only step we have left at this point is someone shooting up a NICU and only aiming at the babies, everything else seems to have happened and nobody seems to care and yet we're all increasingly left to be more terrified of going outside. Alienation begets alienation and goddamn I hate it.