Hey Buddy! I hope you're getting this hologram okay. I told your mom I won't be sending any more silver until she lets me contact my favourite boy so haha! I know things have been all crazy since I had to go, and please don't listen to her about that because you know she lies. All the time son. I wanted to send you this hologram to show you the cool new place I'm living at and how much more fun it is!

What could be better than living down by the river? You liked fishing that one time. I can do that every day and have to because I can't drive anymore! You might not think my new house (https://i.imgur.com/JTva9cI.png) is as big as your mother's boyfriend's, but I don't have any bedtime and can vomit wherever I want. If you visit, I'll let you play with my drug lab because some of us have to work for a goddamn living.

Speaking of some of us, it's not just me! The best part about my new life is that I'm surrounded by friends and have more than your mother! I'm now part of the Confederacy of Cool Divorced Dads and actually live next to some of the most awesome dudes in Cool Divorced Dad Town. We have our own bar called Tiki Town (https://i.imgur.com/MPaf6Um.jpg) where you can drink all the soda you want when you visit. It's great to drink whenever you want without anyone screaming at you. I've been to so many awesome parties there and the best part is no girls so nobody will lie to you! It's just all us guys drinking.

My new friends are some really interesting guys. We're all guys, everyone in the town. And haha let me tell you, when you visit you won't be the only one complaining about what happened at Imperial Family Court. Everyone here hates the Empire and we consider ourselves libertarians (https://i.imgur.com/PA2g4ha.jpg). That means your real dad is actually fighting for your freedom, even though I'm on a different planet! Isn't that cool? When you visit you'll see that libertarians are great guys, we're all guys, who like partying as much as we don't like being told what to do. Every chance we get we talk about our libertarian values and how they can make a better society (https://i.imgur.com/LoqryQO.png).

You need to tell your mom you want to visit me. It's not required but it should be and here we don't even believe in empire law. When you do come, you'll have to stay at a nearby hotel (https://i.imgur.com/3ppSWk0.jpg). I know it doesn't look too good in the hologram and yes the carpet is full of poo and vomit, but you can sleep on the bed. I'll sleep on the floor and it will be just like camping. It's not ideal but legally a lot of the guys here can't live near boys so we have to go 500m across the river.

But don't worry buddy! It's not that scary compared to some of the guys here. We defend your second amendment rights and everyone here has at least one assault rifle on them at all times! Just like video games! A couple of them turned their trailers into fortresses (https://i.imgur.com/r5FGBkI.jpg) and now they're kind of like our police, but they only protect and serve cool guys like us. One of us owns a bunch of swords and knows all about Japan (https://i.imgur.com/J7ujYIm.jpg) while another breeds dogs! You would love how many dogs there are here because I remember you had one or a cat.

And do you know the ABSOLUTE COOLEST THING EVER? That's right, we have a swimming pool!!! (https://i.imgur.com/WtZiTCL.jpg) Okay so hopefully you don't get here too fast because you can't actually go swimming in it. We don't have indoor plumbing in Cool Divorced Dad Town because we're not paying for municipal sewage lines. But that's okay! We have an outhouse just like in the pilgrim movies you like. However, you can't use it alone because of those guys I told you about that can't live near boys. There's a problem though and that's that my cool new friend Chris built the septic tank and sewage discharge from this outhouse right next to the pool. It just goes right in! I don't want you getting sick buddy so we'll swim in the river instead.

There's so much I want to tell you and I hope you visit soon. Just know that I would never actually drive drunk with you in the car. It didn't happen when you were a baby, it won't happen when you're here, and so what if someone needs to if they work all day. Please feel free to come to Cool Divorced Dad Town whenever you want, for however long you want, even if it's just because your mom's new boyfriend told you what to do and you know that isn't right. Everything is so good here and I am literally so happy all the time. Tell her that and tell me how she looks after.

Regards,

Dad (YOU CAN WRITE BACK)