Welcome to the first Fake News megathread, your biweekly coverage for the latest news exclusive to the imperial core. We want this to be a spot where anyone can come in, shit out a little snippet of an article you think is funny and collaborate with other dorks of equal caliber.
Sensitive documents have leaked online over the Nintendo game Splatoon 2. The highly classified documents which shared details of Israeli losses during their incredibly unpopular war with Hamas appeared as a drawing inside a speech bubble thought up by a player character who has now disappeared.
The speech bubble contained a link to a pastebin with one paragraph of text identified to be a leaked message from a Hamas group chat; “sensitive documents - born to die - world is a f*** - 200 trillion dead IDF soldiers - kill em all 2024 - I am based man.”
The IDF press team told Fakenews reporters “These numbers, although false, give an insight into the Hamas recruitment model. We know they've been using online games as a way to spread their propaganda and this game is no exception. We have asked Nintendo to shut the servers until the conflict in-game doesn't reflect the situation in Gaza.” A Nintendo spokesperson has denied any involvement on working with the IDF and claims “We will not be shutting down the servers and believe this was not a genuine leak.”
When asked if they condemn Hamas, representatives for Nintendo responded “We condemn video game piracy.”
Tom Hanks Dies in Embarrassing Accident
Los Angeles, California – Tom Hanks, a local man, died in an embarrassing accident on Tuesday. According to witnesses, Hanks was attempting to retrieve a dropped item from underneath a parked car when he slipped and fell, hitting his head on the curb. He was pronounced dead at the scene.
Hanks's death has been met with shock and disbelief by his family and friends. They described him as a kind and gentle man who would never intentionally put himself in harm's way.
"This is such a senseless tragedy," said Hanks's sister, Jane Hanks. "My brother was always so careful. He would never have done anything that could have put him in danger."
Police are still investigating the incident, but they believe that Hanks's death was accidental. They have ruled out foul play.
Hanks's death is a reminder that accidents can happen anywhere, at any time. It is important to be aware of your surroundings and to take precautions to avoid injury.
In lieu of flowers, the Hanks family is asking for donations to the National Safety Council.