So I go to a work party, and honestly I don't know anyone that well, I work from home mostly, but I come in to show my face and do all the niceties. Talk about some shit, mostly work (not work work but like work, you know?) and then the conversation kind of fizzles out (related point: why the fuck do people sometimes ask me something and then WALK AWAY TO TALK TO SOMEONE ELSE a few seconds into my answer?).
I don't think I'm BAD at speaking to people. I'm sure as shit better at it than they are, why can't THEY think of something to say? Annoying.
Also whenever someone says hi to me I kind of don't know how to treat them but it's because I can't REMEMBER. I have introduced myself to SOoooo many people who then are like yeah yeah we've met actually I planned your wedding and I'm like what the fuuuuuuuck you DID? Not doing that shit again, you guys reveal yourself first, do YOU remember ME? You do? OK yes of course I know you too.
Tangent: I'm not even diagnosed with anything and of course I have it in my head that I don't look autistic, not like you guys that I clock from a mile away, though honestly I am not even sure about this. I kind of feel like everyone else can tell? As a kid I would fight with this girl who sat next to me and she would tell me I was speaking in a monotone, and I would be like what the fuck girl, I am talking so melodiously right now, what can't you hear?
Back to the point. You know what I do wanna do with people? Activities. Do something with me, anything at all so we don't have to small talk, and my personality will shine. I promise I'm cool, it's just you work colleagues all kinda suck. Actually, clubs suck. I make all MY friends outside smoking cigarettes. If you want me, I'll be outside with the cool people.
why the fuck do people sometimes ask me something and then WALK AWAY TO TALK TO SOMEONE ELSE a few seconds into my answer
Either you sound finished with your thoughts or they're assholes.
and then the conversation kind of fizzles out
That's fine, every conversation has to end and doing it confidentially will make it seem natural no matter where you end it. Something along the lines "Well I got to get back to this, nice talking with you." Once it starts to fizzle out and you don't think you can keep it up, just end it.
If you want to keep conversations going, there's an easy trick to automate conversations I use all the time. Ask them a basic question like "What did you do last weekend?" Make sure it has an answer other than "good" or "fine" cause you need specifics. They might answer "I went to see my family in Baltimore, we went to a football game." Let's analyze that sentence real quick.
"I went to see my family in Baltimore, we went to a football game."
See all the things highlighted in bold, you now have 3 topics of conversations. "How has your family been? What's Baltimore like? How was the game?" In their answer, they will inevitably list out another noun/activity in which you can then ask about again. This allows you to guide the conversation by giving them prompts. Add in your own thoughts occasionally before asking the question. Something like "I like Baltimore, how was the weather there last weekend?"
Every 3-5 asks, summarize what they've told you and switch to another topic. Let's say the football game was terrible, they got in traffic on the way, and their family fought. You can say something like "So you went to Baltimore, got stuck in traffic, dealt with your family, and then your team still lost? Sounds like a shitty weekend. wait for their response Anyway, Here's what I did"
Summarizing makes sure that people understand that you were actually listening to what they said. It also gives them a chance to correct your perceptions since you can miss subtext occasionally. Switching topics prevents the conversation from getting stale. Although, if they seem really passionate you can keep a topic on for as long as you want.
Sometimes you're going to get garbage responses and you'll have to do more work. If their response to the previous question was "nothing" or something similar, you'll have to both introduce the topic and get them talking. Mention something physically present, like the weather, to get a bit of small talk going. Now you can ask them a hypothetical or question about the topic you brought up and then repeat the above steps.
Yes, I have spent literal years working out to have a conversation with people because I sucked at it. You'll fail horribly the first 10 times but you'll get better eventually. The best advice I have to give is "Never give a fuck about if what you're doing is crossing social barriers or sending the wrong signals." None of these people would adapt their speech to make things easier for you, so you shouldn't do the same for them.
If you say something awkward or stupid with confidence then they'll pick up on the confidence far more than the actual words. If you pretend like you're friends/closer than you actually are then you'll psyop them into believing it.
Damn I actually picked up a tip. You can just ask people what did you do last weekend. Damn. Sincerely.
damn this is literally me. i suck at conversation but im friendly, smile a lot, and have a good sense of humor so i think thats what keeps ppl talking w me. ive suspected that i have "a bit of autism" for a few years now even tho i also dont have a diagnosis. coincidentally, abt a year into me thinking i could be autistic my dad just asked me w zero pretext, "do you think you have autism?" i was just like, "no, haha" but that kinda sealed the deal for me. he didnt mean it in a mean-spirited or jokey way, just a straight question. hes a great guy and is fairly "progressive", with the average liberal brainworms.
ppl can be rude assholes so they sometimes stop talking to you if theyre not sufficiently entertained or smth. i dont get it, but it usually happens to me when im in a particularly asocial or grumpy mood
but yeah, i wish ppl liked activities more. when i went to parties and the occasional club it just gave me crazy anxiety and made me kinda hate myself for not being able to initiate conversation. i took every opportunity to smoke when doing that, just not cigs lol. smoke circles are just fun, you dont have to talk but when you want to its more of a group convo, which takes a lot of the pressure off for me. also every convo in a smoke circle is a group convo so you dont have to start a one on one convo or just wait around till someone talks to you
