American brain damage at an all time high.
Nah this is an entire genre of conservative grift brought to you by the same dudes curing what ails them with colloidal silver and keeping all their wealth in gold. Jim Bakker was hawking bunker buckets in the 80's and 90's if not earlier.
One commercial is like: Hoard a bunch of food you’ll probably never eat you terrified fat fucking hog.
The next commercial is like: children are going hungry in America, won’t you please donate to help feed poor children?
America is such a sick fucking place.
Third commercial is "did you drink so much sugar water that your pancreas told you to go fuck yourself and stopped working? Are you really really fat? Ask your doctor about Ozempic today!"
I’ve been about the same amount of fat since the day i was born. Why? Probably some weird chemicals got to me as a fetus. Or the poisonous shit the FDA allowed in food i ate as a baby. Who knows.
I have just stopped watching TV because of ads, anything I watch is
or online with adblock; but every once in a while I'll go and visit my brother or parents and see some and TBH the most terrifying ones are those that are trying to do ironic or cringe millennial humor. Or just medication advertisements in general, those are cognitohazards
I'm still stacking Bakker Buckets, I've got 620 tons of cheesy broccoli to see me through the rapture.
That's a lot of broccoli, I feel bad for whoever is sharing a bunker with you.
the fools! i keep all my wealth in silver and cure what ails me with colloidal gold!
It's literally the millenarian double down when the prophecy fails demographic
I've delivered like 100 boxes of these to evangelical Christian pastors on their little 40 acre compounds and they had their 15 children help me unload them.
lmao, i went to their website. the reviews are hilarious:
https://4patriots.com/products/3-month-platinum-survival-food-kit
A year ago I made my first 3-month supply purchase. Most of the bags were resealable, they were neatly packed, vacuum sealed and had a good variety. They showed up in good condition and I was very happy. This year I was able to make a second purchase. [Me: LMAO why are you eating survival food so casually?] This year the product is mostly rice, sugar drink, pudding and pancake mix. (All things I can buy for cheap in bulk) The packaging was a cheap blue bag and some of the bags were leaking, one was even taped back together. Some were vacuum sealed and others were puffy. There was flour all over the inside of the boxes which would attract bugs so I had to go over every bag and toss out the unsealed ones, I also had to clean out all the flour and rinse it all down. I sent an email to support but have not heard back. I am not sure I will be buying again if this is the new Quality and selection.
this type of garbage has been around for a long time, but i think the warning is more for what sort of media distribution channel you are watching and the associated demographic for it. like clearly, this shit is for a very specific type of rube. not an NPR lib or a lanyard dork.
i try to avoid exposure to as much advertising as possible, but some of the "free with ads" b.s. i watch on certain streaming platforms has the most obvious grifting garbage ads. one of my favorite ones lately is hawking these subscription-based home scent diffusers that comes with scents "inspired by" luxury hotel lobbies. the ad shows lots of promotional footage of various high end five star hotels with models walking around... implying a direct association with the product and the lifestyle, but if you actively watch it instead of passively let it wash over you, it's very obviously sad and stupid. of course, i'm the idiot doing a nostalgia watch of some mid 2000s one dimensional action slop, so who is the real loser here?
now that we're in the age of highly fragmented advertising, i am starting to take it really personally when i get an advertisement for something extremely stupid, because some attention algorithm has calculated that jingling the keys in my face for 30 seconds is gonna make me shell out $80 for $5 worth of gold coins and survival seeds.
It was on MSNBC but it seems more appropriate for Fox News. I hate-watch MSNBC too often.
MSNBC
yikes / incredible. i remember last time i watched cable news during the 2020 primaries, all the ads were like "get cash now for your annuity/structured settlement" and like "medicare approved" old people scooters. commercials targeting comfortable retirees have got to be the most profitable. these people have minimal critical analysis skills and when the delivery man comes, it's probably the highlight of their day. back in the 90s, my grandparents were up to their eyeballs in debt from subscribing to all manner of dumb shit and collecting all the weird franklin mint collectibles. basically, if there was a commercial on TV with an 800 number, they called it.
of course, all the promotional materials for these things always act like the typical client is some 30-40 year old physically active and mentally sharp person, and not some 75 year old shut in who hasn't bathed in 4 days.
Probs just relabeling and reselling survival food buckets from the 90's, which came from government fallout shelter food from the 50's. They've been hucking this bullshit for decades.
Bucket of macaroni
https://www.amazon.com/Valley-Food-Storage-Servings-Emergency/dp/B0BJLC7JXV
I remember seeing a video where the mac n cheese was just in the bucket, no MRE style packaging.
"claim your 3 month survival food kit" sounds like language that only appeals to colonizers.
I mean this is Bakker's Buckets to me but yeah. I'm worried in a distant sense.
We need to invent more words for emotions such as worry which consist of palpably distinct stages and can be mixed with others like mirth
1983 Survivalist comedy with Robin Williams.
People have been fleecing chumps with the end of the world for a long, long tiome.
https://youtu.be/Z3j8kvUtYdY
I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:
The real way to do this is buy a bunch of rice and beans and just eat it normally. You'll have cheap healthy food and be able to manage minor natural disasters. In more severe scenarios you have enough food to act as a stopgap for larger groups of people. You also naturally work through your stores instead of opening a bucket of freeze dried slop that's supposed to last for 20 years but tastes like ass and you're not sure if it's supposed to taste like that.
My neighbor bought some electric lanterns last week because "end days are coming".
Good
I always wonder who wants to survive an apocalyptic scenario that badly? Disaster preparedness is one thing-- I have a few weeks of beans and rice on hand, as well as a few guns and a reasonable amount of ammo, small generator and fuel, and med kits. The idea of surviving like that indefinitely is super unappealing though.
