I'm asking this on the Neurodiverse comm because my question is about social skills, which I've always needed to take conscious effort to learn about, and I think that's a fairly common experience with neurodiverse people.
I've avoided touching people in social interactions for fear of seeming creepy for pretty much my entire life. But it seems like an unfortunate thing to exclude from my friendships entirely, and it's definitely a hurdle in dating. I realize a pandemic is a weird time to start touching people, but are there any good guides as to what some acceptable forms of social touch are in US/Canadian culture?
High-fives are my favorite. They're platonic and have no potential to get misconstrued as a sexual advance, they're casual, it's celebratory and makes the other person feel like you're a team, and there's not really any point at which it's "too soon" or you're "not close enough" for a high-five. Plus, the gesture is obvious but can be paired with a casual exclamation ("gimme five!" or "up top!" or "high five!" or whatever), it's fast and the contact is minimal, and the other person has to actively participate which allows them to reject if they're not into it. IMO, definitely the best for breaking the contact barrier. Doesn't exactly help with dating, but it does normalize touch somewhat and can be a surprisingly great bonding experience.
Otherwise I think friendly hugging is pretty normal (at least sans pandemic) but something I struggled with figuring out. My heuristic is usually to verbally ask the first time (like, "Can I give you a hug?" and if they accept, give them a quick hug) and then gesture from there on out, usually by sort of opening my arms a bit like I'm going to hug them.
There's a ladder of escalation (elbow touch is low, French kissing is high)
Escalate on emotional high points like laughs
Never look where you touch
Never let a hand linger in one place
Hot take but don’t touch people unilaterally if you don’t know when it’s appropriate. Take your cues from other people (a friend going in for a hug or whatever). I wouldn’t advise touching a date if you don’t know it’s ok, asking is never a bad idea, but it might be a bit awkward. Still better than violating someone’s space.
Also this should go without saying but never, ever, under any circumstances touch someone you work with. You could be sexually harassing them and have no idea. This can fuck you both up.
Obviously hand shakes and fist bumps, high fives are ok.
