This is why incel ideology is so popular: a lot of the things that they argue aren't entirely untrue. As a mentally ill cis dude I've always noticed that cis women generally have a much easier time socializing and building relationships (important: these are not necessarily good or healthy relationships) because people are generally drawn to them regardless of how fucked up they are whereas if you are a guy no one actually really gives a shit about you if you aren't rich and hot and no one is ever going to approach you or like, actually even have an interest in you if you aren't incredibly forward and outgoing to begin with.
I've been told I'm not even unattractive ("above average") but I have literally never had a woman interested in me, and I'm not like a misogynistic ogre or anything, I'm just very withdrawn. I had a few female friends who were also as shy and withdrawn as I am (and mentally ill) and they had multiple relationships, most of which did not take much effort to start at all.
It's honestly so much worse depending on where you are at too, I've accepted I'm probably going to die completely alone just because the dating pool in my area has you competing with literal millionaires and other high achievers for women with college degrees.
It's not hard to see why some people just descend into homocidal rage.
so ive been a bit on both sides of it. while it sucks to feel so alone as a guy, its worse ime to feel like a dude is gonna try to fucking hunt me down to kill me at 3am after i stop talking to him for being a whackjob
like i got 3000 messages last time i went on. did maybe 8 dates. i cant say anything there was high quality and enjoyable until i started looking for socialists exclusively, pretty quickly found my bf who is awesome.
a synopsis of some messages i got :
you fucking bitch i know this entire city its small ill find you you cant ignore me!!!
you are a t***** and youre going to hell for trying to tempt people you demon (after he superliked me ofc)
lets fuck
hey
yo its 3am wanna come over to my place and give me head (i said serious stuff only)
weird fetishizing stuff about me being trans or czech
guy asks if i did porn like all czech women do???
why is 'app' recommending dudes to me
weird fetish stuff, like a guy seriously offering me a job to be his secretary at work
actually nice people who would interact with things i said on my profile (re: my bf)
having an ok convo with people but it just trails off awkwardly because they refuse to interact with stuff on my profile while i interact with stuff on theirs
hey baby how big is your dick
lesbian girl asks if i like topping with my dick (no i dont and i mentioned i dont like sex stuff early on in my bio so she just didnt read anything i said)
dick pics
i got so many transphobes matched to me that some poor customer service lady took pity on me and gave me lifetime premium for free after they reported a guy to the police on my behalf lol
maybe 40 genuinely nice guys out of 3000. went on dates with like 1/4th of em
i dont fucking know. but it really was a neverending stream of shit hitting me in the face. after i got the free premium i was able to search profiles for socialist terms and i got a way better experience.
I think it's more a attractive people thing then a cis woman thing.
I doubt I'd get many matches on Tinder
No one gives a fuck about ugly women
I think incel ideology is flawed because they see a couple of super attractive women having success and think thats all women. That would be like if I based all dudes on that one chad guy whos always getting laid.
men have extremely low standards compared to women
IME (huge generalization incoming) men want a dude who's white, lean and DTF. Women want a dude who's non threatening, baths, and wears clothes that fit. It's just different.
you're not gonna die alone mate, but it does sound like you gotta change up your strategy. like, give up on apps probably. the dating scene's totally fucked but that's the water from the bottom of the garbage can there.
Pretty much. I saw my parents fight so much as a kid (memorable moment: my mom called the cops on my dad after a "fight" and got him thrown in jail on domestic charges despite him not having done anything) and I was like "wow that looks like bullshit" and I think I've kind of been super withdrawn as a result of that. I'm honestly kind of terrified of women, like, not in the standard social anxiety way but I automatically assume basically everyone, especially women, is completely unhinged behind closed doors. My mom used to punch my dad's arm until it was black, and would threaten him with the police almost nonstop for the most minor transgressions.
I went to school in a bad area too and got shitted on predictably as a extremely skinny, short guy with long hair and whose mom would (intentionally?) send me to school with like pink shirts and shit and got beat up and made fun of all the time and combine this with the lack of a safe environment at home pretty much my entire life and a feeling of deep rejection as a kid (in the form of beatings lmao) I come to realize I am very closed off to others, and it's almost impossible for me to see things in a light that isn't negative. I have far too much evidence to the contrary and I generally tend to believe in truth (despite my ideals) that human nature leans towards cruelty more than it does kindness.
I distinctly remember in the first/second grade thinking that I was never going to have a girlfriend (people were already talking in those terms with each other lmao and I was becoming/already extremely shy) so I genuinely never ever bothered to talk to women. I have tangentially had a handful of female acquaintances by sheer chance and luck which is probably why I'm not an unironic "incel" (and a common theme with incels is dysfunctional families and instead of being beat up by guys being beat up by girls - I actually fucking hated other men and still kind of do lmao) but I just have never made an effort to talk to women. Even one of my coworkers who was being kind of a dick managed to find out I have never been in relationship was like "why don't you just approach people?" but my social reality is just so fucked I can't even really think of doing that. I don't even know what to say and I've come to realize I probably have PTSD and any relationship I would be in would be beyond disastrous because I need a LOOOOOOOT of help, more than this society can probably give. I don't even think I had a particular "bad" childhood, but I think there was such a consistent amount of emotional neglect and denial that my brain straight up doesn't work right. Like I can't even make friends, I don't have a "strategy" for women because that shit to me is like walking into like, Multivariate Calculus after having passed Basic Arithmetic with a C. I'm getting closer to 30 and realistically it's far too late to figure out how to do stuff people learned to do when they were in the awkward middle school phase of nascent sexuality and romance and then later refined in highschool and college.
This shit is difficult for normal ass people, being some internet brained communist with severe mental health issues and niche personality quirks and interests from having spent all your time (and I mean almost ALL of it - my entire late teens to early 20's I literally talked to almost nobody beyond a few coworkers) is like impossible mode
If this is too :doomjak: mods can delete but you know it is HARD for some people out there
edit: I'm also not white :agony-soviet: People say this is not an issue, but it is. My first language technically isn't even English, and I have a different cultural background and general expectations as compared to many of the people who have gentrified my area
yeah i don't mean at all to imply that one "just" has to execute such-and-such steps and you'll find love. i know it's not easy under the best circumstances. what i meant to convey was, don't give up, humans aren't meant to live in solitude, love is out there, idk. i still think unless you're looking for something very particular, the apps are imposing death on oneself.
This is why incel ideology is so popular: a lot of the things that they argue aren't entirely untrue. As a mentally ill cis dude I've always noticed that cis women generally have a much easier time socializing and building relationships (important: these are not necessarily good or healthy relationships) because people are generally drawn to them regardless of how fucked up they are whereas if you are a guy no one actually really gives a shit about you if you aren't rich and hot and no one is ever going to approach you or like, actually even have an interest in you if you aren't incredibly forward and outgoing to begin with.
I've been told I'm not even unattractive ("above average") but I have literally never had a woman interested in me, and I'm not like a misogynistic ogre or anything, I'm just very withdrawn. I had a few female friends who were also as shy and withdrawn as I am (and mentally ill) and they had multiple relationships, most of which did not take much effort to start at all.
It's honestly so much worse depending on where you are at too, I've accepted I'm probably going to die completely alone just because the dating pool in my area has you competing with literal millionaires and other high achievers for women with college degrees.
It's not hard to see why some people just descend into homocidal rage.
so ive been a bit on both sides of it. while it sucks to feel so alone as a guy, its worse ime to feel like a dude is gonna try to fucking hunt me down to kill me at 3am after i stop talking to him for being a whackjob
like i got 3000 messages last time i went on. did maybe 8 dates. i cant say anything there was high quality and enjoyable until i started looking for socialists exclusively, pretty quickly found my bf who is awesome.
a synopsis of some messages i got :
you fucking bitch i know this entire city its small ill find you you cant ignore me!!!
you are a t***** and youre going to hell for trying to tempt people you demon (after he superliked me ofc)
lets fuck
hey
yo its 3am wanna come over to my place and give me head (i said serious stuff only)
weird fetishizing stuff about me being trans or czech
guy asks if i did porn like all czech women do???
why is 'app' recommending dudes to me
weird fetish stuff, like a guy seriously offering me a job to be his secretary at work
actually nice people who would interact with things i said on my profile (re: my bf)
having an ok convo with people but it just trails off awkwardly because they refuse to interact with stuff on my profile while i interact with stuff on theirs
hey baby how big is your dick
lesbian girl asks if i like topping with my dick (no i dont and i mentioned i dont like sex stuff early on in my bio so she just didnt read anything i said)
dick pics
i got so many transphobes matched to me that some poor customer service lady took pity on me and gave me lifetime premium for free after they reported a guy to the police on my behalf lol
maybe 40 genuinely nice guys out of 3000. went on dates with like 1/4th of em
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i dont fucking know. but it really was a neverending stream of shit hitting me in the face. after i got the free premium i was able to search profiles for socialist terms and i got a way better experience.
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dsa guy is more polite than 99.99% of men :yea:
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Idfk
I think it's more a attractive people thing then a cis woman thing.
I doubt I'd get many matches on Tinder
No one gives a fuck about ugly women
I think incel ideology is flawed because they see a couple of super attractive women having success and think thats all women. That would be like if I based all dudes on that one chad guy whos always getting laid.
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Lmao
Yeah that's why women spend so much time and money poodling up, because men have low standards
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IME (huge generalization incoming) men want a dude who's white, lean and DTF. Women want a dude who's non threatening, baths, and wears clothes that fit. It's just different.
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Incels base everything on chad getting laid too
you're not gonna die alone mate, but it does sound like you gotta change up your strategy. like, give up on apps probably. the dating scene's totally fucked but that's the water from the bottom of the garbage can there.
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Pretty much. I saw my parents fight so much as a kid (memorable moment: my mom called the cops on my dad after a "fight" and got him thrown in jail on domestic charges despite him not having done anything) and I was like "wow that looks like bullshit" and I think I've kind of been super withdrawn as a result of that. I'm honestly kind of terrified of women, like, not in the standard social anxiety way but I automatically assume basically everyone, especially women, is completely unhinged behind closed doors. My mom used to punch my dad's arm until it was black, and would threaten him with the police almost nonstop for the most minor transgressions.
I went to school in a bad area too and got shitted on predictably as a extremely skinny, short guy with long hair and whose mom would (intentionally?) send me to school with like pink shirts and shit and got beat up and made fun of all the time and combine this with the lack of a safe environment at home pretty much my entire life and a feeling of deep rejection as a kid (in the form of beatings lmao) I come to realize I am very closed off to others, and it's almost impossible for me to see things in a light that isn't negative. I have far too much evidence to the contrary and I generally tend to believe in truth (despite my ideals) that human nature leans towards cruelty more than it does kindness.
I distinctly remember in the first/second grade thinking that I was never going to have a girlfriend (people were already talking in those terms with each other lmao and I was becoming/already extremely shy) so I genuinely never ever bothered to talk to women. I have tangentially had a handful of female acquaintances by sheer chance and luck which is probably why I'm not an unironic "incel" (and a common theme with incels is dysfunctional families and instead of being beat up by guys being beat up by girls - I actually fucking hated other men and still kind of do lmao) but I just have never made an effort to talk to women. Even one of my coworkers who was being kind of a dick managed to find out I have never been in relationship was like "why don't you just approach people?" but my social reality is just so fucked I can't even really think of doing that. I don't even know what to say and I've come to realize I probably have PTSD and any relationship I would be in would be beyond disastrous because I need a LOOOOOOOT of help, more than this society can probably give. I don't even think I had a particular "bad" childhood, but I think there was such a consistent amount of emotional neglect and denial that my brain straight up doesn't work right. Like I can't even make friends, I don't have a "strategy" for women because that shit to me is like walking into like, Multivariate Calculus after having passed Basic Arithmetic with a C. I'm getting closer to 30 and realistically it's far too late to figure out how to do stuff people learned to do when they were in the awkward middle school phase of nascent sexuality and romance and then later refined in highschool and college.
This shit is difficult for normal ass people, being some internet brained communist with severe mental health issues and niche personality quirks and interests from having spent all your time (and I mean almost ALL of it - my entire late teens to early 20's I literally talked to almost nobody beyond a few coworkers) is like impossible mode
If this is too :doomjak: mods can delete but you know it is HARD for some people out there
edit: I'm also not white :agony-soviet: People say this is not an issue, but it is. My first language technically isn't even English, and I have a different cultural background and general expectations as compared to many of the people who have gentrified my area
yeah i don't mean at all to imply that one "just" has to execute such-and-such steps and you'll find love. i know it's not easy under the best circumstances. what i meant to convey was, don't give up, humans aren't meant to live in solitude, love is out there, idk. i still think unless you're looking for something very particular, the apps are imposing death on oneself.
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