You go to Starbucks and order an orange pumpkin spice latte. The cashier winks at you. They're Obama.

You've just become a fake leftist. Assimilated by the liberal wink of Obama and drinking your new pumpkin spice latte laced with Joe Bidens medication, you begin to hallucinate.

At first you feel reassured, then you begin to gelatinize. You are now liberal slime.

You try to scream, but all you can say is, "At least he's not Trump." And, "Bernie was too extreme." You look down at your hands, they're covered in branding for the latest Hamilton Funko Pops.

You try to call your Union, but they've been turned into bugs. You try to call your mother, she asks you what Harry Potter house you're in, you try to tell her what happened, but all you can say is "Gryffindor."

You were going to organise today, but there isn't time for that anymore, brunch is about to begin.