It has auto flush, a sanitizing UV light built into the lid, the lid opens when you get near it, it has air ventilation from the bowl, some kind of turbo flush feature , heated seats, a full front/back bidet system with adjustable sprays, and, a self cleaning feature that creates electrolyzed water and mists the bowl every so often so that you don't need to clean it with harsh chemicals. It has a remote control.
A tech bro and somebody he brought home are sleeping soundly and suddenly there's a noise like a car alarm...
"What is that noise! A break in?!?"
"Don't worry. It's my toilet. A repair guy is coming tomorrow..." See? It already stopped. "The anti-theft technology is acting up. Go back to sleep."
"Why does your toilet have anti-theft technology?"
"So it doesn't get stolen. Duh. Go back to sleep."
Both of them have the same thought. Who is this person in bed next to me?