I’m in the prime of my youth, and that’s basically my whole dating history. Not to sound like an incel but being alone and constantly rejected fucking hurts, it just sucks so much.
I guess you could say I’m still so young or whatever but that’s even worse because like I’m supposed to be dating and having sex and having fun at this age lmao. And soon enough I’m going to reach a point where my lack of experience is going to be unattractive, I’m definitely looking forward to that.
I just want love. :doomjak: Not to get too “we live in a society” but maybe this world/society isn’t meant for love and lovers. In which case I’d rather not exist here anymore.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FzDFKJHczQ8
basically don't worry about it.
It's like getting a job; talent does a lot of favors but diligence and creativity are as viable, and provides more consistency that echoes to other parts of your life.
i mean im pretty screwed, compared to most people in my area I'm like, not attractive in any way shape or form, nearing 30, live with my parents, and pretty much never grew out of extreme shyness and act like a middle schooler despite being nearly 30
I try to have some hope but I think back to when I was 22 or 24 and was like "oh shit this years the year!" and well
its just like I don't even know what to do, i have no social circle and theres like no where to really meet people in the city without being super outgoing and I'm so weird and timid I basically can't connect with people in any traditional way
I and anyone else really will obviously concede that it is tough to have friends after college, to not have a community to actively be a part of to network with others, or even maintain those relationships you did have when you were younger.
In fact, a lot of times one makes friends as an adult are usually by accident. Just by talking to people casually at work or common areas in a city.
Those who pursue new relationships may find that there are still social clubs and group activities you can engage in to make friends; people even meet online from video games or web forums (like reddit's a bad place for news but it seems that it is effective in networking [e.g: r/r4r, r/makefriendshere, or someshit] and gaining advice or tips), or even hobbies you can enjoy in with new people.
Part of gaining new friendships and romantic engagements starts with basic presentational skills and outputs: grooming, hygiene, eye-to-eye contact and speaking. Then comes having a job, then comes having interests, then personal humor, charm , or affection.
Being a person with a life and passion beyond a need for someone to validate you; you have to love yourself first before you love others as friends or lovers. Though to be fair, that is a spectrum; no need for the Jordan Peterson advice of self-perfection before you go and befriend others. Just enough that you can hold attention and interest.
On a personal anecdote, when I was on a hiking trip in college with one of such extracirrucular activities the uni offered, I talked to the guide. I forgot the context of the conversation, but he said that he had like a few thousand friends on facebook, but only spoke to a few people outside his family and considered only one of them to be a close friend. He went on to explain that most people only have a handful of friends in the entire world, and it's usually like around 5 people consistently through life.
Generally speaking that is.
Specifically to your anxieties, is that the irony of such condition is that they can be made to contribute to self-fulfilling prophecies of inadequacies. I had similar anxieties in life as well, but experience and social necessity - fake it till you make it stuff - tempered those down for me. I still have residual shyness and anxieties, but I have learned to assert myself despite those thoughts. (exemplified in that buzzfeed video about adults in their 20s vs 30s)
(I know all of this sounds like neoliberal individual responsibility bullshit, but we all speak in the language of our environment, and we start somewhere.)
My catharsis/revelation is that new behavior changes into new thought patterns, new experiences override those synapses which compelled those old patterns to erode. And therefore if one is to change one must first act and have courage to do so; sign up for group stuff like baseball, running/cycling/yoga groups, etc.
Think of it as: an apprentice and journeyman does not become a master by sitting on a chair all day in a guild spitting out the same product order, they must branch out and attain new experiences and trades to become a master. Or that an old addiction is replaced by a new one.
I hope that helps.