Why yes, there is a vast world devouring monster with its tendrils encircling all of us, and it's plainly visible once you notice it, and it's everywhere. But you come off as insane when you try to tell other people about it.
Is SCP-3125 an allegory for capitalism? Shit.
I don't know if I'm just disassociating or becoming more socially reclusive as I get older, but I get more disappointed in people the more theory I read. I pick up more and more on imperialist stuff they say, or latent bigotries, or how they can't seem to say anything sympathetic about the homeless. It's nearly everyone I meet unless they're a self-identified leftist but even leftists sometimes still do it.
I probably do it too and I don't even notice, which is probably the most horrifying aspect of all. I can't even trust myself to be free of the ideological poison that permeates everything, but I certainly see it in others and I hate it. I hate seeing it when people turn glass eyed and spout off some propaganda embedded within them or something homophobic or transphobic and it's just depressing. People often have such an energy and a life, they have their own pursuits and what they want to live for, but their brains are actively being choked by capitalism and living in the first world that they can't help themselves. They offload their brains to the superstructure, because that's all they know.
The most insidious aspect is the lack of trust I often feel. Like you have to know an exceptionally generous person or have an established history for them to help you do stuff like run errands or maybe drive you somewhere or whatever else. Chronic or long term favors are to be established, not just the default. It's even worse with coworkers because I have a good relationship with a lot of mine. A lot of them are good people and I've done tons of favors for them and they've done so for me as well. I have no idea how our relationship would change once money gets involved. Would they try to compete with me for a promotion? Would this sour everything between us? I have no idea. Would they treat me differently if I were their subordinate? Again, no idea and it's horrifying to consider. I'm here imagining situations in which people I know have their humanity stripped from them in service of some irrational, abstract thing that has tendrils in all of us.
Yeah it's pretty eldritch
Welcome to the desert of the real.
Don't have anything too insightful to add except that I relate to this post a lot. It gets extremely alienating feeling like the people around you are basically children raised by a deeply evil cult (my words not yours ofc), and that you have also been raised by this same cult and that you therefore can't even really trust yourself or your ostensible comrades who "should" know better. Obviously a big part of me also thinks this shit is changeable and that political education via mass working class movements is very much possible otherwise I wouldn't be here and I'd just check out politically. But in the current moment of capitalist realist victory? Yeah it sucks feeling so deeply alienated from not only nearly everyone around you, but also your own psyche given the hostile, anti-human life socioeconomic environment that's shaped everyone.
If you don't believe in people, then what's left for us to believe in?
I believe in people and their ability to change for the better if given better circumstances, I just get so miserable sometimes with where they are. It's a frustration that doesn't necessarily consume me.