I don't care for woo shit generally but damn if astrology isn't the lamest one. Why aren't there people out there searching for gold with Dowsing rods? Why aren't teens trying to figure out their fates by doing Geomancy and throwing sticks on the ground? I want to see people get into Scapulimancy and Haruspexy where they divine things by burning bones and looking at duck livers.
Bring back that metal shit, fuck this "oooohhhh I looked at some stars and that said what personality I have", fuck that loser, go cut open an Ox and burn it's thigh bone and see the future by huffing geothermal gases!
Astrology is a quick and lazy identity label. That's what alienated consumers crave: more identity labels, because the alienation of late stage capitalism is intentional and superficial identities peel off like old stickers all the time, resulting in continual demand for new ones.
"I am House Ravenclaw!" is just a newer astrology.
"I am INTJ which means I am a genius mastermind. Dear :reddit-logo: , why are the normies so illogical unlike me?" is yet another newer astrology.