First off, I don't need any consoling. I think I'm fine. If anything, please critique me.
My dad and I were estranged for a decade, before that he barely interacted with me except to scold me for something. I was terrified that, as some people say, the loss of an estranged parent would bring feelings of regret for lack of closure. But really, it's hard to feel much for someone who paid the bills and babysat with disinterest. I need some positive memories to actually miss somebody.
The one thing this has done has been to wake me up a bit. With climate catastrophe barrelling towards us, I've used my computer as an escape and I've neglected relationships. My phone always has unread messages. Fuck, I don't want to be my dad, watching TV and mildly annoyed by the kids, rarely stopped to scream at the top of his lungs to tell the kids to "shut up". Kids in my gf's family want to play Roblox and Minecraft, ugh fine. At least have some good memories of me.
My dad's not a bad person, he just profoundly indifferent to everything outside of TV and the middle class white people he tried to tie his identity too. My dad worked a trade, and I wish to fuck that he could be proud of being a prole. Decades of (likely) lead poisoning probably didn't help. After retirement he got some real pro-landlord beliefs, although thankfully he never went full chud. Maybe if his son wasn't bookish, fucking suck terribly at sport, didn't leave the Church, go lefty, go vegan, get a small flat in the city, give up TV at 16, maybe he'd show a bit of interest. Probably if I bought a 4 bedroom house somewhere and had kids, shit, he'd start to ask me how my day was.
Talk to the people in your life, especially the young. FFS, don't be my dad.
Fuck that. When you have a kid, you are interested in them no matter who they are. Even if they are the most boring dumbfuck in the world, you are interested in your kid. There was nothing wrong with you, the issue was all him. It took me a long time to realize this for myself too, but now I know.
I'm sorry for your loss. For the father who died, and the father you never had.
I do feel partly bad for dad. He was born in a reactionary time in reactionary country with reactionary bullshit on the airwaves 24/7. I do waver between pity and annoyance.
However, I would also like to not graduate from school and buy a house in my twenties!
Edit: thanks for the kind words