I was listening to Harry McClintock's "Big Rock Candy Mountain" from the O Brother soundtrack. It's a funny description of what hobo heaven would be like. (Rivers of whisky etc) What would a shit-lib heaven be like? I'm thinking of UK libs heaven having means tested genital inspections. Everyone else here is way funnier than I am, what you got?
It's just Hogwarts ain't it? You are told you are very special boy/girl, get sorted arbitrarily with your peers into brave/smart/hardworking and evil and you can be very adult about systematic slavery, see the big picture.
I couldn't imagine anything worse than going back to grade school.