i didn't want to live spending my entire life either worrying about not doing enough or forcing myself to give up everything i enjoy to do more. but i realize now that is counterrevolutionary and wrong. i am angry. i dont want to go into my emotions around this too much because it feels kind of like larping but the anger i have against the people who've made this world the way it is is too much to feel like it should be real. i did a cursory glance at forums for assisted suicide and the amount of people instead of making me feel heard or like i found good information just made me angry. theres so many people killing themselvse because theyre hurting. IM DONE. capitalists should be feeling all this pain and all this hurt. not children in Palestine. not me, i guess. im so fucking sick of all of these useless SHITS talking about AI and the singularity and bullshit useless arguing about egregores or some dumb ass shit.

so fuck it! i'm going to be the first actual "effective altruist" on Planet Earth. At least that's kinda cool, right? and thinking about it, dedicating my whole life to communism isn't that bad. there's meaning in it. it's not like i can utilitarianistically justify causing myself to live in the streets (holy death from cold batman)

im sorry i trauma dumped on you the way i did. that was not justified. please forgive me.