TW, talk of abuse, sexual abuse and manipulation and of the sorts, forin the last paragraph, please skip it if you cannot stomach it.
hello, I wish to receive some advice, for I am a freshman in college and know nothing. :)) yall know a lot more than me and it is better than doing nothing. I trust yall extremely more than reddit or pretty much anywhere else.
for summary, currently I am trying to support can abuse victim, the abuse is ongoing (and it is really fucking bad, of course it is but I am just emphasizing), they are trans and person of color 16 years old, the abuser is a former friend of mine, 19, also trans person of color in college. the reason I mentioned they are both POC because, I am being recommended extremely to report this to college, which will involve the police in someway, I do not know the specifics, and for personal traumas and reasons aside in this area, I know it is generally an ass extreme to call or involve the police, and ESPECIALLY for POC + trans folks. Plus, the abused person's family is also abusive, according to them I am one out of their only two friends. I just really do not want to fuck shit up and make everything go terribly wrong with the abused getting no help, get in danger because of me, and more. a friend I consider that knows a lot more than me thinks I am slightly unreasonable to not be reporting, but still, I would like to believe I am being reasonably cautious.
I would also love some advice in like, idk, just anything, how to support and talk with the victim, I am not telling them they should leave because I know it does not work like that and will mostly drive them away (I was also abused for majority of my life) but also be firm to affirm and reassure what they are going through is not okay and I am there for them. I also do not want to talk to their abuser in any circumstance, unless with someone else. idk! maybe I am being too vague, anyway I hope this post is allowed!
so in summary:
- do I notify school authorities? if I do, what's the advice in wording things and whatever?
- how can I better support the abuse victim?
OKAY TW HERE!!!!!!
spoiler
I think the nature and the actions within this abusive relationship is also really important to mention if I am asking for advice,,,,, GAHH I am so bad at sharing information. please take care of yourself and go on reading cautiously and slowly I guess! So this 16 years old is being sexually assaulted, triggered into age regression and then sexually assaulted, gaslighted into thinking they like the abuse, idk a bunch of other things it is entirely fucked up. a part of them knows it is wrong and tries to protect and take as much abuse as possible, a part of them is kinda "brainwashed" and think it is just unconventional love and they deserve it. they said they are also in love with their abuser.:::
Sorry I was in transit when I replied and forgot to follow up. Not sure if you have acted yet, but yes starting with a counselor at the university may be a good first step. Some counselors have open door policies where you can just walk in and seek advice on things. I would begin by stressing the complexity of the situation and you not wanting to involve law enforcement.
There are also phone hotlines for this kind of thing. Both locally with the university or otherwise. But yeah first step for me would be explaining the complexity and not wanting to involve law enforcement. Any therapist or counselor who ignores or handwaves this away should be ignored in favor of someone else or another avenue.
Good luck. I will check back later.