I keep getting "self defense instructors" or whatever you want to call them recommended to me on youtube and it's such a bizarre way to live. Constantly on your toes, assessing everyone as a threat, being ready at any moment for someone to try to attack you. I had one guy talking about how he fills his car ready to start blasting. It's insane, I can't imagine how living like that wouldn't warp your brain. And I imagine it's much worse for cops who have this drilled into their brains at every opportunity