Yesterday I dead ass took a seroquel and went back to sleep after only about an hour and a half of being awake. Today I spoke to nobody except one of the annoying tweaker friends who woke me up. I’m slipping back into having mush brain because I’m once again not eating enough. It’s like fucking Flowers For Algernon but real life. I just want my friend back. I wish I could pull myself out of this but I know I won’t.
Not to settle too comfortably in my armchair here, but the way you talk about your friend reminds me of the "Favorite Person" phenomenon that's common among people with BPD. Not that you can really do much about that if it is the case, but if it points you in the right direction... I've always found naming my demons helps me fight them. Understanding my mental state has helped me. I hope I'm not speaking out of turn here.
That aside, I'm sorry you're suffering so much.
Yep, I’ve heard of that and I’m preeeeetty sure I have BPD.
At least you know. Better than having no clue.