It just kinda happened that nobody at the store where I work knows I am trans except the two head managers of the store who see my legal name (deadname) when they pay me (shit wages btw XD). Well today it was me and 3 other women (all of whom are white btw) with the closing shift. The topic of gass prices comes up and with that Joe Biden and politics as a whole, all three of them are like "yeah, fuck Brandon!!!!111" and other conservative stuff and I was just standing there looking at the floor in silence, wich isn't abnormal for me because I am always really shy and reserved at work. They also always say whacko gender essentialist stuff about how "guy is when ____" "girl is when _____" you know how Americans are... Anyways even though I am almost certain I won't be clocked I am still kinda scared about the whole thing... Like all somebody has to do is look over at my screen while I'm clocking in or out and see my deadname plastered on the screen and boom.... Idk... Just wanted to vent is all... Not much I can do about it but just hope nothing bad happens.
Also it just kinda feels bad that my coworkers who put in all the work to keep the store running and get paid pennies are all bootlicking conservatives... Like how demoralizing is that... I can't even feel a solidarity with my immediate coworkers when it should be so natural to feel that... Ah... The absolute state of American labor....
You know, I've worked with a huge variety of coworkers, managers, and business owners while being out (I always thought I was too clockable to stealth and just went all in), and tbh the only common thread I could find among them is that faking total confidence intimidates cis people.
No advice on stealth, though. Most stealthers I've met tried to distance themselves from other transpeople.
Whats an appropriate way to ask someones pronouns? Or is it? I'm always sort of scared I will ask wrong and come off wierd or hurt someones feeling if they just want to pass.
I guess im worried asking would be misinterpreted as pointing out someone isn't passing. its been hard to tell at times when someone is in a discovery or medical transition period or like changing a lot week to week.
I honestly couldn't tell you, tbh. There's a huge divergence inside the trans community about whether pronouns should be assumed so the listener feels like a normal member of society, or whether pronouns should be asked for on first meeting as a standard to ensure mutual clarity.
There's a rapidly growing portion of the latter group, esp on lefty online spaces, that wants to make asking pronouns a standard whether you assume trans or cis, because it levels things out and covers stealth or ambiguity (hence pronoun tags on hexbear and "pronouns in bio" on mastodon). It's not super realistic in irl lib society outside of performative office settings. Cis libs are cool with the pronoun debate until it comes down to changing their behavior too.
I think the people who prefer you assume pronouns tend to be older and/or a little more conservative. I've also seen it in insecure kids. So it won't be the majority of lgbt people.
They/them is usually a safe bet, but if they're younger or seem more leftish you will probably be fine asking for pronouns.
As for phrasing, just be casual. A simple "hey, by the way, what are your pronouns?" will do the trick.
If the cis haven't caught on to you yet, then I'd call that winning at the binary trans olympics.
Yeah it's the voice that's gets em. I've had a few times where a customer was looking kinda strange around me untill I hit em with the ole voice and they seemed to relax. It's funny how simple it is to trick the cis into thinking you are one of them, thier brains are like "no Booba???? But... Girlllll???" "But ahhh voice has resonance and pitch within Booba range, this is grill for sure! unga bunga."
I have the opposite problem. I get ma'amd until I open my mouth. Even when I try really hard it's like they're hypersensitive to that moment when my voice cracks. I even do voice training. :cowboy-cri:
Thanks, yeah I think I've defaulted to they/them for just about everyone, that makes a lot of sense logically. It took me a while to break the he/her habit and not feel defensive if I made a mistake because some of my early experiences with the modern pronoun culture were extremely unkind toward people not up to speed like me. Literally, fresh out of gender studies college programs, ready to rock the world. I'm just like hi I've lived in a cornfield my entire life.
Yeah, my advice is that you ask everyone thier pronouns in a casual way instead of just people you assume are trans, before that point trying to use they/them for anyone you don't know is also a good habit, but that's just me.
:meow-hug:
Yeah that shit must suck. I had a coworker who was a trans dude and one of my other coworkers constantly misgendered him despite mine and others frequently trying to politely correct her. I didn't know what else to do and he didn't work there anymore when I encountered this phenomenon so I just kinda gave up.
There was also a bit of a language barrier issue too and I don't think she was malicious just not understanding.
