I work in a gas station kitchen rn. Every job I've ever has had deadlines, but now things are really starting to click for me. I work with no one else, I have to cook food, restock food, prep for the next day, clean, document production, food waste, and temperatures, unload items that come on truck, order new food, and probably other things I'm forgetting. I also vape and work eight hours, so good luck getting all that done and finding time to eat something, have a smoke, and socialize with coworkers and customers. Somedays I get it all done when I'm in my routine, but good mf luck when something unexpected happens.
I feel like I'm playing a fucked up video game like my life depends on it, which it does cuz I have to pay rent. If I clock out early cuz I'm tired or if I clock out on time but didnt get something done it fucks my poor coworkers and I feel bad. If I clock out late cuz I didnt get something done my boss chews me out for getting overtime pay... I only work 40 hours a week, I shouldn't feel this tired or stressed. I'd gladly take an extra hour or two a week, it would make me feel better and make me more money, but that's not an option and I hear from coworkers that our boss gets a bonus for keeping overtime down.
I know there was a time in human history that we didn't have to be this stressed. I'm not an agrarian or hunter-gatherer utopian tho, I just despise how little control I have over how it makes me feel. And this urgency, it fucks with your head, it conditions you to do everything faster, Faster, FASTER. We've created a new kind of human, homo capitalus and this human is a slave to efficiency and productivity for the sake of the profits of those at the top.
It feels like you don't even have time to dream, let alone realize those dreams into existence. It brings to mind the lyrics of the song Piazza Fontana by Yu Kung, which is about the mf YEARS OF LEAD.
Perché la banca chiude gli sportelli Dio, come tutto vola così in fretta Risparmi e gente, tutto così in fretta
I don't speak Italian, so maybe a good comrade could translate it better for us, but it roughly means:
"You have to do everything quickly, the bank is closing soon. God, why does everything go so fast? People and their savings - all so fast!"
Everytime I feel stressed at work, I think "God, why does everything go so fast?"
The chorus of the song continues:
bisogna piangere i sogni per capire che l'unica giustizia borghese si è spenta
Dreams have to be mourned to understand That the last bourgeois justice is dead
It's amazing to me how music bridges the gap in language and emotional understanding. How can a song in a language I don't speak make me cry? I know of course, because we are all human, we all have the same emotions in our hearts no matter when and where we are born. And I will never forget that anytime I meet someone different than me.
The song ends on a hopeful note at least. The final verse concludes:
ma non sentite il grido sulla barricata la classe operaia continua la sua lotta!
But can't you hear the shout at the barricade? The working class continues its fight!
Never surrender what is in your hearts comrades, what brought you to a place like this website. We will win. Thank you for taking the time to read all of this, no worries if you didn't have the time, everything goes so fast.
Now I need to walk my little furry companion, he's been so patient and I love him.
Oh, here's the link to Piazza Fontana, it's a beautiful song.
https://youtu.be/WXTsY2EBnMA?si=311E2sFDMum16RkL
She's not really that bad of a lady tho, she's just a middle manager. Things have been tight because one of my coworkers suffered a really bad hospitalization and another one is moving with her husband to another state. I like this job more than any other I've had in the last year. I just wish people understood how hard things are for everyone, even if theyre trivial. I can be an ass sometimes, I have anger issues, but thats just when I get stressed about little things. All I really want is for people to take a step back, slow down, and take a look at the bigger picture. I wish I had followed my dream of becoming a history teacher so I could help kids learn what this is all about, making the world a better place.
I didn't say she was a bad lady? I'm not saying to say it as an attack, I'm saying you need to clarify which version of imperfection is preferable to her, and fail on that side. She shouldn't be getting on you about 8 hours of work taking 8.5 sometimes, that's how the service industry always is.
You need to handle your stress better. A good way that ive found is to think of yourself like a rock in a stream when you feel stressed out. You are immovable, things just happen around you while you handle whatever work is needed of you. Full on defensive zen. You won't make forward progress when you're a rock, but you also won't lose any. Bring to mind whatever is true, and accept it as true. When you dont need to be a rock, you can work on changing that truth, but until then, it simply IS true.
Also, it's not that hard to become a teacher, if you have a bachelor's degree. And if you want to sub, there are zero qualifications afaik. Would be a good place to startits probably a better job than you have now.