I have never understood this joke. Growing up I never heard my Pops say anything like that even jokingly (though he would often say she wouldn't let him buy dumb stuff but that was the extent of it). However it's super common in older media and culture and is still notice able in contemporary times. I even hear from guys around my age who in their late 20s to mid 30s in break room chats. I haven't noticed a national or race trend either, it seems to be from dudes of every background.
Is marriage that soul crushing that you resent your partner?
Is it a "pressure release valve" sorta thing about monogamy? Is it actually something people feel? Do guys feel trapped somehow or are just realizing they live unfulfilling lives and project that on to their partners? If that's the case it's kinda weird, like your wife is supposedly the love your life and I would assume you'd really like them.
I remember hearing at lot at my Men's group at my church when I was an early teen. "Upstanding, moral, virtuous Christian men™️©️®️" just kinda openly saying stuff like and pretty much everyone saying "lmao same" (or the time appropriate equivalent).
I see it a lot in movies too. Tons of films are about guys secretly pining for someone else or just resolved to live their lot with some they feel hinders them.
I remember reading the book " Bowling Alone " which lacked any real material analysis of social conditions but it mentioned that men's groups were guys would go to escape their marriage for a bit. While I understand it's important to have your own friends and social groups, the idea it's describe "escape" seems like it's an unpleasant space to be in. Has patriarchy created marriage into prison were men are both the jailed and jailor like it has for many other things in men's lives?
Do dudes really loathe their partners this much?
The structure of marriage that most cishet people use makes both partners miserable. The old structure was only partly torn down, and now balancing parts of the structure that used to exist no longer do, and the new balance makes both partners miserable most of the time instead of just one and sometimes both.
The woman is expected to be dependent on the man, and the man is supposed to provide for the woman, but also control her. At the same time, women are no longer expected to have the old duties to the husband of acting basically as a servant to keep the man comfortable. But men still aren't supposed to be vulnerable and talk directly about anything either. Some of the duties of both parties are still socially expected, but not all and different couples draw the line at different places.
This more often than not leads to a communication style of the wife complaining to the husband to get him to do things to make her happy, the husband not really directly addressing anything but choosing what address based on what he feels like doing and thinks will make her shut up. And the husband never communicating what they want, just declaring what they are gonna do and then doing it, and if the wife hates it he will ignore her complaints. The man won't try to negotiate something, just decide "do I think she will complain for a week or a month?" And base decisions she may dislike based on that.
The leads to both partners having a relationship based on manipulating each other rather than communicating and coming to a common ground. They just can't communicate directly, when they try one or both partners will act like children having meltdowns. Many decisions end up being made with the thinking of "how much do I have to give up to avoid losing my partner", and not with the thinking of how to gain things for both.
This sounds like hyperbole, but it's not. It's literally how most cishet relationships work. It's so insanely miserable. My cishet friends often come to me for advice on this subject because they see my relationships seem to work a lot better than theirs (which shows how badly their shit is going because almost all my relationships have gone horribly), and I see it all the time.
They will straight up tell you the only reason they deal with any of it is because they get lonely and want sex and someone to sleep with at night. Which goes to show how important those things are to most people.
I will say, if I was straight I wouldn't bother. Straight relationships are usually so toxic.
This perfectly describes every boomer and Gen-Xer I know.
This comment is two months old, but like; the way I read it 90% of the problem here is that people expect to still be able to live as if they are individuals after they get married & that doesn't actually work.