Jesus but he's wearing wrap around sunglasses and filming a video in his truck about how it's easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than a Democrat to enter the Kingdom of Heaven
The two virtuous thieves, but instead he is cancelled next to two internecine cancelled wokescolds. WAIT OH SHIT, Elijah sicked bears on children. Siccing hexbears on a group of kids who call him problematic
Jesus but he's wearing wrap around sunglasses and filming a video in his truck about how it's easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than a Democrat to enter the Kingdom of Heaven
oh god dont lathe that. wait, that's already republicans nm carry on
All his sermons are at local school board meetings
He does the sermon in pickup truck instead of on the mount. Judas cancels him on twitter for 30 reddit gold.
The last supper is just a pile of raw beef
The two virtuous thieves, but instead he is cancelled next to two internecine cancelled wokescolds. WAIT OH SHIT, Elijah sicked bears on children. Siccing hexbears on a group of kids who call him problematic
Parable of the talents but the faithful servant put the money into Bitcoin and buckets of emergency survival food
oof, lmao.
Aninias and Saphira, but the holy spirit murks them for paying taxes
The prodigal son comes home after renouncing his homosexuality
Jacob getting fucked by his bros for telling them about a dream with a rainbow coat and them kneeling before him...
Jacob wrestling with that angel all night long
forgot who, but the son of moses who saw his dads dick while he was drunk and doing a cumtown bit