I was eating my Count Chocula(TM) like a good patriot and next thing I knew the evil China dictator, Chairman Mao, was in my kitchen eating all my hard-earned American cereal! It's true! I asked him why he was stealing from me and he laughed and said "This is my food now lol" and then he farted on my bowl of Count Chocula (which was pretty impressive because it was on the table. He used his evil authoritarian magic to hover over my breakfast!!!)

I started crying and he slapped me. I cried harder and he rolled his eyes and patiently waited for me to get tired and stop.

"We're going to go on an adventure," he said, "Buckle up and get in my car" He then picked me up and threw me into his car which was a crappy Chinese car that didn't even speed up when it saw pedestrians (I don't even think it was subscribed to Tesla?!?)

We then drove all the way to China using a secret tunnel Mao had been forcing hard-working former landlords to dig, when I told him it was evil to force landlords to work he laughed and said "fuck landlords" and then when I told him I was a landlord he joked that I shouldn't call myself names (?)

We finally arrived at a city and I asked Mao where we were

"A Chinese ghost city." he said evilly and communistly.

"I heard about these Chinese cities that have no people. Truly a failure of communism" I mused out loud.

Mao laughed yet again and said, "No, stupid, those aren't real. This is called a ghost city because I bring dweebs here to be beaten up by the specter of communism."

Then the specter of communism ran out of one of the buildings and beat me up.

Please send the marines