Hello there. I was talking to my counselor today about gender transitioning, and how I would feel awkward about presenting differently in public or around my friends. She suggested that I could look into ways of experimenting with gender privately. Which sounds obvious in retrospect, but hey, that's what counselors are for.
I'm lucky in that I live alone, so I don't have to worry about transphobic family members. But I'm a little unsure where to get started. What are some ways I can experiment with presenting differently in my own home? Bonus points if it doesn't cost too much. For context, I'm AMAB. At the moment I usually think of myself as nonbinary or questioning, but I want to consider HRT and more feminine ways of presenting as well.
Clothing is an obvious choice, although clothes shopping can be (a) expensive, and (b) daunting, especially for someone who still looks like a creepy 30-year-old man like myself going into female-dominated spaces to try on clothes. Also, it's not obvious to me where to get ideas on how to dress differently. The obvious way that occurs to me would be "Take someone whose look I like, and try to emulate that. Do this enough times and I'll develop a sense of how I like to dress." But this is fairly new to me.
Makeup seems like another obvious thing to try, but again, I'm not sure how to get started. I've never purchased makeup in my life and I've heard it can get expensive.
Presenting differently online is something else worth trying out, although I'm having trouble thinking of ways to do that beyond listing different pronouns.
I've tried the lessons on the TransVoiceLessons YouTube channel with varying levels of success.
What other ideas am I failing to consider?
a lot of this stuff is fairly research intensive, but the good news is that it's not too hard to do. fashion subreddits, pinterest, and yeah, cool people whose look you wanna copy/steal are all good places to get inspiration.
as far as shopping goes, thrift stores are life-saving for figuring out what actually looks good on you. my favorite skirt (i'm actually wearing it right now!) cost like a $1, maybe $1.50. if you're close enough to any women to come out to them they can provide great cover on your shopping excursions. i'd never have been brave enough to start shopping for girl clothes if i didn't have my partner along to play the "oh hey is this something you'd like" game whenever someone starts looking at me weird.
for makeup, youtube tutorials are a good place to start and the ol' "i'm buying this as a gift for my partner/friend/whatever" card is usually enough to dissuade people from digging into your business when you're actually shopping for stuff.
i wish i had more to offer but i'm still kinda new to this stuff, but it does get easier as time goes on. the MOST IMPORTANT THING is not to let yourself get discouraged if you run into an issue. cis women have to work super hard at learning all of this, they've just had way more time to do so is all.
good luck! :stalin-heart:
Would you feel comfortable shaving your legs/ armpits? You could buy a men’s razor and wear clothes that cover those parts if it feels weird to show your friends.
You could try wearing men’s clothes in a more feminine way—for example, taking a button up and tying it in a bow in front to make it a crop top.
If you sew, there are free patterns online for turning men’s button downs into skirts.
I echo all the advice about makeup tutorials. You could also get more into skin care and other “spa like” — having a beauty / pamper night by yourself with bubble bath, candles, and a facial always makes me feel cozy and feminine
you just reminded me: thanks to the brave sacrifices made by emo kids in the early 2000s, girl pants can easily pass as dude attire. just don't mention the lack of pockets to anyone and you're golden