Hello there. I was talking to my counselor today about gender transitioning, and how I would feel awkward about presenting differently in public or around my friends. She suggested that I could look into ways of experimenting with gender privately. Which sounds obvious in retrospect, but hey, that's what counselors are for.
I'm lucky in that I live alone, so I don't have to worry about transphobic family members. But I'm a little unsure where to get started. What are some ways I can experiment with presenting differently in my own home? Bonus points if it doesn't cost too much. For context, I'm AMAB. At the moment I usually think of myself as nonbinary or questioning, but I want to consider HRT and more feminine ways of presenting as well.
Clothing is an obvious choice, although clothes shopping can be (a) expensive, and (b) daunting, especially for someone who still looks like a creepy 30-year-old man like myself going into female-dominated spaces to try on clothes. Also, it's not obvious to me where to get ideas on how to dress differently. The obvious way that occurs to me would be "Take someone whose look I like, and try to emulate that. Do this enough times and I'll develop a sense of how I like to dress." But this is fairly new to me.
Makeup seems like another obvious thing to try, but again, I'm not sure how to get started. I've never purchased makeup in my life and I've heard it can get expensive.
Presenting differently online is something else worth trying out, although I'm having trouble thinking of ways to do that beyond listing different pronouns.
I've tried the lessons on the TransVoiceLessons YouTube channel with varying levels of success.
What other ideas am I failing to consider?
Combine trans voice leasons with VRChat maybe? You don't need a full headset to play it, you can totally bop around anonymous spaces in feminine mode and see how it feels. Plus having an anime girl avatar is socially accepted there regardless of whether you're trying to present as feminine or not, so that might help ease the anxiety around doing it.
if you have long-ish hair, you can wear it in a more fem style
also nail painting
if you're in the uk Barry M does cheap but good nail polishThis is a good idea. And you can always start with neutral or earth tones. I had a straight cis friend who painted his nails as a way to curb his nail-biting habit, so that's an out if ever you're considering it.
+1 for nail polish, especially if you can wear closed toed shoes out and about if you want/need to stealth
It's a meme but a good one: fun knee high socks make a lot of experimenting folks very happy. Also you can buy them online and avoid any feelings you might have about buying in-person.
First time I tried makeup I felt like a completely new person. Yada yada commidification of beauty but I do recommend buying some makeup, you could always pretend you're buying it "for your girlfriend" when you're in the shop (or if you need to ask an employee if they have x or y). I was a nervous wreck the first time I went to buy makeup. Worth it though.
That would be a good idea. But I'm not 100% sure where to start. Is there such a thing as a generic makeup "starter kit"?
the most basic would probably be mascara
lipstick can also be fun, and it's not really something you can 'go wrong with' the same way as with foundations and concealers (which needs to match your skin tone/type)
either way, just try to have fun with it
:screm-pretty:
No. Basic stuff you will need are moisturiser (if you don't already use facial moisturiser) , primer, foundation, & concealer. Prob want bronzer & setting powder too. Then you can get fancy with contouring, eyeliner, lipstick, etc
Colour of foundation & concealer will differ depending on your skin tone, and there's different types for different skin types as well (matte, glossy, powder/liquid, natural cover/full cover). A makeup sponge is easier than makeup brushes, but brushes are better ( I personally use sponges for everything but my powders). I was taught these basics by some women online, I also can explain some stuff via discord if you wish. But there's a tonne of YouTube tutorials.
a lot of this stuff is fairly research intensive, but the good news is that it's not too hard to do. fashion subreddits, pinterest, and yeah, cool people whose look you wanna copy/steal are all good places to get inspiration.
as far as shopping goes, thrift stores are life-saving for figuring out what actually looks good on you. my favorite skirt (i'm actually wearing it right now!) cost like a $1, maybe $1.50. if you're close enough to any women to come out to them they can provide great cover on your shopping excursions. i'd never have been brave enough to start shopping for girl clothes if i didn't have my partner along to play the "oh hey is this something you'd like" game whenever someone starts looking at me weird.
for makeup, youtube tutorials are a good place to start and the ol' "i'm buying this as a gift for my partner/friend/whatever" card is usually enough to dissuade people from digging into your business when you're actually shopping for stuff.
i wish i had more to offer but i'm still kinda new to this stuff, but it does get easier as time goes on. the MOST IMPORTANT THING is not to let yourself get discouraged if you run into an issue. cis women have to work super hard at learning all of this, they've just had way more time to do so is all.
good luck! :stalin-heart:
Would you feel comfortable shaving your legs/ armpits? You could buy a men’s razor and wear clothes that cover those parts if it feels weird to show your friends.
You could try wearing men’s clothes in a more feminine way—for example, taking a button up and tying it in a bow in front to make it a crop top.
If you sew, there are free patterns online for turning men’s button downs into skirts.
I echo all the advice about makeup tutorials. You could also get more into skin care and other “spa like” — having a beauty / pamper night by yourself with bubble bath, candles, and a facial always makes me feel cozy and feminine
you just reminded me: thanks to the brave sacrifices made by emo kids in the early 2000s, girl pants can easily pass as dude attire. just don't mention the lack of pockets to anyone and you're golden
If you’re in the us stores (if not I’m sure there’s something equivalent) like Marshalls usually have skincare and make up products for pretty cheap, you can sometimes find some good deals to get started
There’s tons of good tutorials on YouTube especially for trans people
I also ordered some stuff from Amazon like waist trainers and stuff.
You can go to a goodwill or other second hand stores to get fem clothes for cheap, and there’s conversion charts for men to women sizes online you can use until you get a feel for what works for you or feel better about presenting fem in public to try stuff on.
Also goodwill just lets you go in the changing rooms without asking anyone so it’s a lot more low key and you don’t have to have the anxiety of showing the attendant all the womens clothing you have while presenting masc
Op shops, there's no need to buy new new clothes, and chances are you're not gonna find what suits you first go.
Also learn (or just put some thought into, really) your body shape/dress size and colour pallette, and how to 'frame' it I guess?Makeup can be as simple or complex as you like, pre-pandemic I was using a couple powders and eye- and lip-liner, these days I forego it entirely.
does anyone know if makeup comes off easily? ive been wanting to try experimenting with basic makeup in private but ive heard that people can sometimes tell
Mine comes off easily with a little water and gentle soap, I use little cotton circles, plus you can just buy make up wipes too and they work great. Honestly, most people haven't said anything to me if I show up hung over with half smeared eyeliner in boy mode.
Full face with concealer, primer, eye shadow etc just takes longer to take off and/or more wipes. But it is super fun and cute~
the trick is to experiment with gender expression, but you don't leave the house when doing so :D
