I was in a similar spot before. Alone/isolated/alienated and getting paid peanuts to do the dirtiest job I'd ever done in my life, and having nothing to look forward to but microwave meals and depression spirals before bed. In an unfortunately bootstrappy chain of events, I had to move to a larger city, and used apps and such to find people who could deal with being around me. In this part of finding your niche (finding people who want to do something despite the pressures of liberalism to do nothing), there's a bit of statistics, unfortunately. If you're in a place with very few people, odds are that the subgroup within that population consisting of people open to being proactive in the way you're talking about is fairly small. I personally couldn't handle small town life and saved every dollar I could for moving expenses. It's not really fair and is even a bit ghoulish to expect people to give up a significant portion of their comfort and immediate health in order to seek out a less alienating environment, but that part is definitely a result of capitalist exploitation.
I am happy that you put in the effort to care for yourself and hope you continue to do so. Despite everything going on externally, you do still have your self, and while that feels like little consolation, you are a thinking being and you seem to have a lot on your mind that would be worth sharing if given the opportunity.
I appreciate the patience & concern which you are showing to me in this conversation, that I know that you don't actually have to. It is genuinely difficult to see a way out of my current living situation, given that I have failed to do so; either by circumstance or by my own... lack of capacities; so many times already. I often really don't know what to do with myself anymore, because I don't seem to be able to do what I need to in order to grow.
I'm not really sure, myself, given I don't really know you. Each person has different things they need and different things they can give. Like I can't tell you to just join a ttrpg group or try out the furry fandom because it's a bit personal. Though it is a bit difficult to form these random agglomerations of people without some shared cultural goal or activity. Even hexbear has something to keep everyone's focus directed. I think my only real advice is that you're not too old to experiment.
I was in a similar spot before. Alone/isolated/alienated and getting paid peanuts to do the dirtiest job I'd ever done in my life, and having nothing to look forward to but microwave meals and depression spirals before bed. In an unfortunately bootstrappy chain of events, I had to move to a larger city, and used apps and such to find people who could deal with being around me. In this part of finding your niche (finding people who want to do something despite the pressures of liberalism to do nothing), there's a bit of statistics, unfortunately. If you're in a place with very few people, odds are that the subgroup within that population consisting of people open to being proactive in the way you're talking about is fairly small. I personally couldn't handle small town life and saved every dollar I could for moving expenses. It's not really fair and is even a bit ghoulish to expect people to give up a significant portion of their comfort and immediate health in order to seek out a less alienating environment, but that part is definitely a result of capitalist exploitation.
I am happy that you put in the effort to care for yourself and hope you continue to do so. Despite everything going on externally, you do still have your self, and while that feels like little consolation, you are a thinking being and you seem to have a lot on your mind that would be worth sharing if given the opportunity.
I appreciate the patience & concern which you are showing to me in this conversation, that I know that you don't actually have to. It is genuinely difficult to see a way out of my current living situation, given that I have failed to do so; either by circumstance or by my own... lack of capacities; so many times already. I often really don't know what to do with myself anymore, because I don't seem to be able to do what I need to in order to grow.
I'm not really sure, myself, given I don't really know you. Each person has different things they need and different things they can give. Like I can't tell you to just join a ttrpg group or try out the furry fandom because it's a bit personal. Though it is a bit difficult to form these random agglomerations of people without some shared cultural goal or activity. Even hexbear has something to keep everyone's focus directed. I think my only real advice is that you're not too old to experiment.
I'm already runnin one of those rn, actually.