Whether it’s family or coworkers or whoever. I have such a hard time talking and just always feel anxious. There are very few people I feel comfortable around. :agony-deep:
Whether it’s family or coworkers or whoever. I have such a hard time talking and just always feel anxious. There are very few people I feel comfortable around. :agony-deep:
I recommend you don't do hallucinogens trying to experience ego death, if you do try hallucinogens definitely don't do them alone, people talk about set and setting for a reason, have a trusted friend as a trip sitter, maybe try to plan out a few things ahead of time that might be interesting to do or look at while tripping, and just let the trip happen. I've always likened tripping to putting yourself through a psychic crucible where everything you've ever experienced gets melted down and blends together in a way that can give you new insights into the relationships between the seemingly unrelated as well as an outside perspective on your own thoughts and sense of being. I don't think I've ever experienced "ego death" but I have had trips where, for a while after, it was like I understood the universe better, but unfortunately the feeling went away (especially quickly with shrooms, although the experience felt more profound. I do think LSD was a more useful/better experience in feeling more at peace longer term, more in control of my thoughts, etc).
I don't think I want to trip again personally just because I've had so many bad experiences since then and so much more accumulated baggage that, since my last trip was an extremely terrifying bad trip, I'm too afraid to do it again. Which kinda sucks because I'd like to paint while on shrooms, but idk if I wanna risk it :/
If you get access to acid it might be worth testing it to make sure it's LSD, I think part of why my last trip was so bad is that it might not have been real LSD.
Also if you want to read something that can give good insight as to what tripping is like, I recommend Aldous Huxley's The Doors of Perception which was basically just him writing about doing mescaline under the supervision of his wife and a psychiatrist and he does a good job of describing what it's like, because it's really difficult to articulate as an experience to someone who's never tripped before. It's like trying to describe colors to someone who can't see, but I think he does it better than I could.