Maybe you could tell. Maybe you couldn't. But I've been drunk since the 29th. I need to do better and I'm sorry. This is the only place I trust to confess. I need to get better. I need to be better. People rely on me and I'm letting them down.
I'm letting everyone down. Myself included. I hope I didn't say anything fucked up. Gosh I am so frustrated with myself. I want to be better but then the bottle calls my name. It says "hey tomorrow is tomorrow so let's get drunk today."
Lies lies all the pretty lies.
What i would like to tell you and myself is that we will have plenty of time for feeling guilty once we die and are in hell, so don’t torture ourselves now.
And also that for most of history there have been lots of people who drank every single day and enjoyed themselves while doing it without knowing a thing about it’s negative effects, or not caring. And that is part of the human condition and it’s ok to join that historical tradition. No one judges people in the 1600s drinking at pubs every single day and night. No one will judge me in 100 years so i should do whatever i want. Lmao.
But these are the justifications that come to my head when i am also drunk.
But maybe they are true?
But also dying of cirrhosis doesn’t sound like fun and I’d love to live to a very old age. Being human seems to be a battle between short term rewards and long term desires.
Anyway, don’t be too hard on yourself. If you’re not in the news for killing someone, you’re doing better than at least several hundred people on the planet today. I know that’s not a high bar, but leaving this earth without having directly killed another human being is definitely one of my goals, and why I never joined the military. Anyway…. Sorry for bothering you.