You basically described the plot for Commando? Except Arnold did nothing wrong, he just wanted to retire from the military to play in the pool with his daughter and hand-feed deer in the countryside. And if it hadn’t been for those meddling brown-skinned drug runners he wouldn’t have had to slaughter hundreds of them completely by himself, either!
A high budget rehashing of every crappy action movie with an ex-soldier protagonist, but the tropes are presented extremely literally. The dude must go on his noble and definitely not racially motivated quest because his wife is placed literally into a refrigerator, etc. The bazinga must be maximized.
Tell me if you've seen this movie before:
A harried, divorced mother cuts off a driver on the way to dropping her children off at school. In retaliation, the road-raging creep kidnaps the mother's teen-aged daughter and young son for ritualistic abuse and trafficking. Inept cops fail to intercept the kidnapper at every point, so it is up to our MILF protagonist to chase them in her minivan. 3/5ths of the movie will take place in cars stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic on interstate highways. Just as she catches up with the kidnapper, her car breaks down so she is forced to call on her ex-husband for help, who tells her this wouldn't have happened if she hadn't divorced him for being a responsible gun owner. The ex-husband gets an opportunity to confront the kidnapper in a pizza restaurant basement, but is knifed in the back by the satan-worshipping kidnapper's millionaire accomplices. The MILF arrives just in time to witness this but is powerless to intervene. Her dying ex gives her the gun and the keys to his work pickup so the chase can continue. She tracks the kidnappers down to a run down house in a mostly abandoned inner city neighborhood. She chases the kidnappers and her children through a tunnel underneath the house and at the climax she is finally able to overcome her irrational fear of guns to shoot down the cabal of satan-worshipping, baby raping, millionaires. At the end of the tunnel, the mother and children ascend a flight of stairs only to find themselves amongst a throng of confused and concerned walmart shoppers. The disheveled family try to act normal as they exit the store, realizing that they can never tell a soul about their traumatizing experience.
what if they made the nutty professor but it was about a big fat guy who supported biden and when he became skinny he became redpilled
gritty jesus story reboot, or maybe an apostle, its not very important tbh
same schlock as normal, pale jesus, middle east color filter over everything, but we have a big war and revisionist history where say, the new christians aid the Bar Kokhba revolt (just like israel :so-true:) and lots and lots of excessive persecution scenes of christians getting crucified and fed to lions and shit
itd be really great because it could fabricate parrallels between modern 'persecution' christian chuds like to pretend they're suffering under 'historical' pretenses. it could narratively support israel from a christian imperial view. it could be klansman racist and have it excused through 'history'. and finally, western libs uncritically support pro christian narratives even when they nominally identify as not. jesus is not political
e: omg and have the syrians (brown folks helping the romans against the revolt) doing the stabbing terrorist warfare the Kokhba rebels did, but against the rebels and christians
