It sure isn't easy. I didn't really develop a coherent communist ideology until a few years ago but I always was sympathetic to radical left ideas and respect for revolutionary movements.

I did, however, witness my share of defeat and comrades being imprisoned and persecuted by the government while being involved in drug decriminalization and police abolition stuff only to see our crowning achievement (cannabis decriminalization) be wholly coopted and turned into another speculative investment for neoliberal technocrats.